Again two days at once, because the things for day 5 I'm sure I've talked about before.
Day 5 - A time in your life you thought about ending your life:
Well, I've thought about killing myself more times than I can count, but most of them were less because of depression and more because of apathy and a wish to just see what would happen afterwards. However, last year I was seriously depressed and was *shows with fingers* this close to killing myself.
I didn't. Thanks to my dad being there. And I will forever be grateful for having him in my life, because without him, I would've killed myself ages ago.
My depression is gone now, completely. My anxiety and panic problems aren't, but they are under control.
Day 6 - 30 interesting facts about yourself:
These are probably not going to be very interesting but hey, we'll see!
1. I talk to all animals I see, even seagulls but to those I usually just say something like "Fuck off"
2. I feel very uncomfortable not having a watch on my wrist
3. And my wrist watch was on Canadian time between June and October. Even though I was in Finland.
4. My favourite past time is to watch TV with my dad and do random general trivia quizzes with him (he's so smart!)
5. I'm constantly thinking of ways to rearrange my room and make it more cozy.
6. I smell like my dad and it's horrible.
7. I have the ginger gene.
8. I'm also part Scottish which kinda explains the ginger gene...
9. My favourite game is Trivial Pursuit the GlobeTrotter edition
10. I like being alone but I get really lonely
11. Numbers are important to me, I love numbers
12. I love shopping and getting my nails and hair done, even though I usually look ridiculously unkempt...
13. It takes about a day for me to start missing my fluffball at home
14. My eyes are green but in certain lights they switch between blue, green and copper.
15. I hate ordinary tap water - I need my drinks carbonated.
16. Depending on the clothes I wear and the make up I have I can look between 16 and 30.
17. One of my exs started calling me Frank and it kinda stuck but I've had more nicknames than I want to count
18. I'd rather be called Frank than my real name, cause most people can't pronounce it properly and it irks me so so much.
19. I don't really know who I am
20. My feet are a size EU39/40 depending on the width. I have wide feet.
21. I have a horrible sense of humour.
22. I think every event has a silver lining
23. In my opinion the best parts of my body are my eyes, fingers and toes.
24. I have penpals (snail mail) and I love them!
25. Which kinda explains how much I love getting mail
26. I can't live without cheese. I love cheese.
27. I think Rainbow Cola is the best cola ever
28. Random trivia makes me go all giddy
29. I don't really drink any hot drinks
30. I'm converting to Catholicism
24.10.14
They say it will be warmer
Everyday I go out for a few small walks, because hey I'm allowed to and what else would I do? It allows me to take my camera with me and take as many photos as I can. Alright, I've already taken photos of the hospital area, there's nothing new here anymore, but I decided to have a bit of autumn fun with the macro.
I also stopped in the hallway and took a few photos of things you can always find in a hospital - all the metal glistening fascinates me, especially to take my camera out.
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| The last of the snow from yesterday - it's all almost gone but I found some! |
I also stopped in the hallway and took a few photos of things you can always find in a hospital - all the metal glistening fascinates me, especially to take my camera out.
Tattoo Inspiration: Studio Ghibli
I absolutely love Ghibli, so these tattooes make me want to get something as well:
23.10.14
Snow, ponds and feeling better
Still in the hospital and probably will be here for quite some time to come, but I feel a hell of a lot better. The cortison helped to take away some of the swelling in my neck and throat - my lymph nodes are a bit swollen still but not a lot anymore and they don't hurt that much anymore. My throat still hurts like a bitch, but at least now (finally) I'm getting actual painkillers. I managed to plead long enough for them to agree to give me oxycodone when I really need it. Which is only about twice a day now, since the swelling has gone down.
I'm getting my antibiotics through the IV but everything else I'll be taking as pills, which is awesome. And I'm allowed to eat now that I can (thanks to the painkillers) and I feel so incredibly happy just to be able to drink a bottle of coke without wanting to die. Before it felt like one gulp could tear my throat in two but now it feels completely normal with just a slight sting. Slight sting. Jesus, one day and this much progress! It's fantastic!
And I'm pretty sure I'll be getting to speak to a psychiatric nurse soonish - I did ask the first day I was here, but it didn't go further, but today during the doctors' rounds, they told me that yes they know and I should get to speak to someone at some point. Which is great, 'cause I've really been feeling quite anxious here. I haven't had the time to see my regular psychologist, so this is already long overdue to speak to someone, so I really can't wait to load things off my chest!
Now that I have the catheter on my neck, I don't need to have an IV in my arm or hand or anywhere, so I can actually use my hands normally again! Which again, fantastic! Hopefully I'll only miss a few days of school next week and not the entire week. I don't know yet though, but all my teachers are fine with this so I'm sure I can deal with the courses even if I end up missing the entire week. Hope not though, we have team projects and I feel bad about not being there.
Also I got a text message from my post office that two shoes that I ordered have arrived! I cannot wait. They're awesome!
Yes, this painkiller might be making me a tad hyper, but hey, I'm almost pain free! So I don't care what's making me hyper, I am happy.
Every day I go out for a walk (and sorry to say also a smoke) and today there's snow on the ground as well! It's really pretty. Aurora hospital, though in Helsinki, is a nice place: right on a hill, old buildings scattered around, small unkempt park with a pretty little pond. Went to see the pond today and it was frozen over!
I'm getting my antibiotics through the IV but everything else I'll be taking as pills, which is awesome. And I'm allowed to eat now that I can (thanks to the painkillers) and I feel so incredibly happy just to be able to drink a bottle of coke without wanting to die. Before it felt like one gulp could tear my throat in two but now it feels completely normal with just a slight sting. Slight sting. Jesus, one day and this much progress! It's fantastic!
And I'm pretty sure I'll be getting to speak to a psychiatric nurse soonish - I did ask the first day I was here, but it didn't go further, but today during the doctors' rounds, they told me that yes they know and I should get to speak to someone at some point. Which is great, 'cause I've really been feeling quite anxious here. I haven't had the time to see my regular psychologist, so this is already long overdue to speak to someone, so I really can't wait to load things off my chest!
Now that I have the catheter on my neck, I don't need to have an IV in my arm or hand or anywhere, so I can actually use my hands normally again! Which again, fantastic! Hopefully I'll only miss a few days of school next week and not the entire week. I don't know yet though, but all my teachers are fine with this so I'm sure I can deal with the courses even if I end up missing the entire week. Hope not though, we have team projects and I feel bad about not being there.
Also I got a text message from my post office that two shoes that I ordered have arrived! I cannot wait. They're awesome!
Yes, this painkiller might be making me a tad hyper, but hey, I'm almost pain free! So I don't care what's making me hyper, I am happy.
Every day I go out for a walk (and sorry to say also a smoke) and today there's snow on the ground as well! It's really pretty. Aurora hospital, though in Helsinki, is a nice place: right on a hill, old buildings scattered around, small unkempt park with a pretty little pond. Went to see the pond today and it was frozen over!
It's really just a beautiful day to day, isn't it?
Correction: I was supposed to post this last week, so sorry about that.
The sunshine really makes up for the cool air, it snowed a bit today as well, and that was far from comfortable. Plus my dad took some photos of me, which was sweet, he usually refuses.
And I had my German midterm today which was awful, I suck at grammar....hope to get some patience to sit down and study at some point, too much laziness and not a long enough attention span to do that yet...
I ordered a few things on the weekend, and really can't wait to get them! Ordered two BMTH t-shirts, really really excited about them (way more excited than one should be about t-shirts) and a bunch of needles and piercing jewellery - I am so getting my septum and labret back! Just miss my piercings so so much. And my nose is definitely healed now, no lumps or anything, so doing another hole there shouldn't be a big problem.
The sunshine really makes up for the cool air, it snowed a bit today as well, and that was far from comfortable. Plus my dad took some photos of me, which was sweet, he usually refuses.
And I had my German midterm today which was awful, I suck at grammar....hope to get some patience to sit down and study at some point, too much laziness and not a long enough attention span to do that yet...
I ordered a few things on the weekend, and really can't wait to get them! Ordered two BMTH t-shirts, really really excited about them (way more excited than one should be about t-shirts) and a bunch of needles and piercing jewellery - I am so getting my septum and labret back! Just miss my piercings so so much. And my nose is definitely healed now, no lumps or anything, so doing another hole there shouldn't be a big problem.
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