Till my head is filled with them

During the following month I'll be seeing doctor's till my head is filled with them. I don't know really how I'm going to survive it all, since I have to write those essays as well and clean out my flat in Tampere at the same time. Half of the doctor's visits aren't even mine, they're my dad's, and I'm really nervous for him, because I'm so afraid they'll give him bad news and worse news. I hate this whole situation so much I can't even describe it.

Thankfully my trip to the hospital went better than I hoped, and now I have enough everything to last me till my shrink's visit. I have sleeping tablets, because I haven't been able to sleep very well in the last few weeks, probably a side effect of some other pill I'm taking - hard to tell which since I take so many and most I can't stop taking. Well actually all of them are pills I really shouldn't stop taking, otherwise it's either death or horrid pain.

I'm feeling less depressed at the moment, I've gotten to go shopping and driving and everything and it's been fantastically frightening but so enlightening. I even drove with Billie at the back, that was fun! She loves being in the car, didn't want to come out anymore!
We should really go on a longer trip with her and my dad. Take her out a bit more since she obviously enjoys it.

I've also been thinking about my relationship issues. I am in a relationship, I can't deny that, I'm not really single and though I really really believe one shouldn't date ones ex, I am doing exactly that. And I think it's right thing to do for me and it feels right and good and I really love him. With all my heart, I know I love him. It's a weird feeling, because we're so temperamental the both of us, that if there's a fight, there's a real  fight and both give up on the whole relationship thing, but he, he's been fighting for me for a year, he's shown me such commitment that I have no reason to doubt that he wants to be with me more than anything else.
It's also easy, since he's amazingly smart, has a good sense of humour, reads a lot, writes and his mum is awesome!

But now I should really get on with that essay writing, because  otherwise I've lost a whole day again to other things.

from Tumblr

We're all mad here and troubled with men

Excuse me for the slightly misdirecting title, it's just for obvious advertising purposes. I am not exactly troubled with or by men, but one man in particular and that's my boyfriend. I love him, can't live without him, and I know the same is true for him, but we just can't live with each other.
We haven't moved in with each other or anything, just visiting is too strainful for us. Last time it was the long hours he spent at work that drove me nearly insane, but now it's my medicine that makes me so sleepy that I take like 6 hours' naps every day and am usually sort of falling asleep that are making him behave as though I've really insulted him somehow.

He promised he'd stay for Christmas, and if he'd leave tomorrow morning, that he'd be back for Christmas, but if he goes....I actually doubt he'll come for Christmas.
I've tried suggesting things to do tomorrow, because I know the anger comes from boredom, but he's refusing all those too, so I know he's going to go home tomorrow. And I know he isn't coming back.

So that's probably it again for our relationship, we love each other but we just can't stand being around each other enough that it'd make a difference if we were in a relationship or not. It's not like there's any....you know what I mean.

Relationship status changed.

I've been single for a while now, but honestly, I don't mind being single usually.
Now I'm not single anymore, and it's weird, since I'm really really happy, and I know my guy loves me so much. I can see it from him, it's so calming to know that I don't need to stress about our relationship, that it'll hold no matter what.
Although, I do have to say, we did date once before, a year ago, and I ended it after about a month. But I've since realised that I just can't live without him, and living with him as just a friend is impossible. He is my love, my boyfriend and I am his love and girlfriend. It's just not possible any other way.

So yeah, I'm officially in love and dating!

We actually met because of Oscar Wilde!