Till my head is filled with them

During the following month I'll be seeing doctor's till my head is filled with them. I don't know really how I'm going to survive it all, since I have to write those essays as well and clean out my flat in Tampere at the same time. Half of the doctor's visits aren't even mine, they're my dad's, and I'm really nervous for him, because I'm so afraid they'll give him bad news and worse news. I hate this whole situation so much I can't even describe it.

Thankfully my trip to the hospital went better than I hoped, and now I have enough everything to last me till my shrink's visit. I have sleeping tablets, because I haven't been able to sleep very well in the last few weeks, probably a side effect of some other pill I'm taking - hard to tell which since I take so many and most I can't stop taking. Well actually all of them are pills I really shouldn't stop taking, otherwise it's either death or horrid pain.

I'm feeling less depressed at the moment, I've gotten to go shopping and driving and everything and it's been fantastically frightening but so enlightening. I even drove with Billie at the back, that was fun! She loves being in the car, didn't want to come out anymore!
We should really go on a longer trip with her and my dad. Take her out a bit more since she obviously enjoys it.

I've also been thinking about my relationship issues. I am in a relationship, I can't deny that, I'm not really single and though I really really believe one shouldn't date ones ex, I am doing exactly that. And I think it's right thing to do for me and it feels right and good and I really love him. With all my heart, I know I love him. It's a weird feeling, because we're so temperamental the both of us, that if there's a fight, there's a real  fight and both give up on the whole relationship thing, but he, he's been fighting for me for a year, he's shown me such commitment that I have no reason to doubt that he wants to be with me more than anything else.
It's also easy, since he's amazingly smart, has a good sense of humour, reads a lot, writes and his mum is awesome!

But now I should really get on with that essay writing, because  otherwise I've lost a whole day again to other things.

from Tumblr


  1. Parempaa vuotta 2014 ja yritä ottaa nyt kaikki irti kun menee hieman paremmin! Tee pidempiä retkiä ja katsele maailmaa avoimin silmin, tee asioita joista pidät eniten.
    Hope you all the best:)

  2. Oh my gosh, that picture is like straight from my life! :D Made my day.

    1. Haha I know right? :D it's awesome and so so so true