12.12.13

Lately I've noticed I have no appetit

Lately I've noticed
that each time I think
of food it comes to mind
that I am not hungry


But I am
I am hungry
feel it now
my stomach
noises and aches


But I refuse
to eat
for I notice no need
for food

I know I am wrong
need to eat
but I don't feel like it
I don't want to eat
but I do get  hungry
I just have no appetite


It's been lost
in the jungle of pills
I'm taking for this awful feeling
inside of me
that's trying to take over
and control me


The pills refuse
to let me eat
they make me sleep
and not eat
though hungry and in need


FSB



Deuteronomy 28:26 
Your carcasses will be food for all the birds and the wild animals, and there will be no one to frighten them away.

b&w selfie time








Anything and everything in pastel colours

You heard me, now see those pictures!










after all this time i still don't know how to end it















My Favourite Christmas Treats

This is just a photopost, but it'll show you our, me and my dad's, favourite little nibbles on Christmas, all the lovely sweets we can eat. So enjoy the cookieporn!

Gingerbread cookies

Christmas plum tarts


Truffes

Panettone

Lindt Chocolates

Wienachts l├Ąckerli

How to make christmas l├Ąckerli

Spitzbuebe  (cookies with raspberry jam in middle)

Dip dyeing my hair

Today I then went and bleached my hair the first time round to get it dip dyed green at some point. As my hair has been dyed black so many times, I have to bleach the ends a few times to get it to a bright enough colour to get the green to show, since the green dye isn't permanent dye.
Right now my hair is black on top and a weird shade of orange brown below.

But here are some who have dip dyed their hair to something absolutely gorgeous, something I wish mine would look after I've added the green:










I should be writing essays, instead I'm writing a blog

I have two more essays to write before the end of the week, and one essay to write before the 21st, but goodness me, I haven't done anything really fruitful in over three days when it comes to those essays. I've been writing my blog like mad, but not my essays.
Although, I have written 7 pages of one of them, but it still needs another 5 pages, so it doesn't really count.


I should also be reading two books in Swedish for my literature course, but oh I've just about begun the first one, so I think I'll have to tell the teacher I won't be able to finish the course after all. I'm just so busy trying to get my head straight, that all this school stress is making me wanna do things I really really shouldn't be doing.
I wanna drink so bad, but I can't 'cause of my pills. I wanna smoke, but I stopped already and it's been going great, but oh the wishful thinking of all these mindaltering substances with all my pills, not a good idea and I won't do them, but oh I'd love to.
I've already had to tell a multitude of teachers, yes, a multitude, that I cannot finish their course. One I've told I'd love to, but she hasn't even answered me back. I find that offensively rude.


On a brighter note, I got my new IKEA bed and it's half finished! Spent all of last night sleeping on the floor on my blanket under a second blanket, 'cause there was no room for a mattress...

Twelfth Day of Christmas: DIY Fancy Golden Leaves

This one is again super duper easy: just spray paint any leaf golden with a gold spray paint. Or why not many leaves, or why not feathers? Just spray paint anything golden and it'll look amazing!