Today's thoughts on driving cars

So I've been going to work in the evening these past couple of weeks and that has meant that I have taken our car from the garage and driven it 15 kms and back again during one evening, and you know what? I hate it.
I like driving cars usually - if the road is long, straight and broad or the car small - but short  distances and especially the whole hassle with our garage that's way too small for our car, no naha not even close to something I'd enjoy.
Actually, I managed to do relatively well the first week or so; no accidents, no hitting the wall or doors, not bumping into other cars - but still I manage to be really afraid of the whole ordeal. I mean, I'm actually at the point where I can easily say that if I have to drive that car out of our garage one more time I will get a panic attack. I start panicking a lot before I go into the car. I start shaking at the end of my work day or hours before it, knowing I'll have to drive our car. I can't concentrate on driving when I'm just thinking about having to go into the garage. It's just come to the point where I don't know how to handle the situation.
Otherwise everything's going fine, haven't had a panic attack in ages and feel really happy most of the time. It's just that damned car and garage!

Today to Tampere - again

So my journey of leaving my flat in Tampere continues, and this time with my dad. He's absolutely not happy about having to go alllll the way there and back, but he knows just as well as I do, that it has to be done at some point.
I still have all of my furniture there minus the one desk I could sell, so it's quite a load to get into our car. Thank goodness we have a relatively big car! Otherwise it wouldn't work at all!

There are a few things I need to get rid of, and those we're going to go give away at the Recycle Centre, so we don't have to bring them back to Sipoo with us without any plan of where to put them. The bookshelf and the shelf and my three chairs will be coming home with me though, and they're really bulky to get into the car so we'll see what happens...

I hope this trip goes well, and I don't need to feel quite this anxious after we've set off!

Till my head is filled with them

During the following month I'll be seeing doctor's till my head is filled with them. I don't know really how I'm going to survive it all, since I have to write those essays as well and clean out my flat in Tampere at the same time. Half of the doctor's visits aren't even mine, they're my dad's, and I'm really nervous for him, because I'm so afraid they'll give him bad news and worse news. I hate this whole situation so much I can't even describe it.

Thankfully my trip to the hospital went better than I hoped, and now I have enough everything to last me till my shrink's visit. I have sleeping tablets, because I haven't been able to sleep very well in the last few weeks, probably a side effect of some other pill I'm taking - hard to tell which since I take so many and most I can't stop taking. Well actually all of them are pills I really shouldn't stop taking, otherwise it's either death or horrid pain.

I'm feeling less depressed at the moment, I've gotten to go shopping and driving and everything and it's been fantastically frightening but so enlightening. I even drove with Billie at the back, that was fun! She loves being in the car, didn't want to come out anymore!
We should really go on a longer trip with her and my dad. Take her out a bit more since she obviously enjoys it.

I've also been thinking about my relationship issues. I am in a relationship, I can't deny that, I'm not really single and though I really really believe one shouldn't date ones ex, I am doing exactly that. And I think it's right thing to do for me and it feels right and good and I really love him. With all my heart, I know I love him. It's a weird feeling, because we're so temperamental the both of us, that if there's a fight, there's a real  fight and both give up on the whole relationship thing, but he, he's been fighting for me for a year, he's shown me such commitment that I have no reason to doubt that he wants to be with me more than anything else.
It's also easy, since he's amazingly smart, has a good sense of humour, reads a lot, writes and his mum is awesome!

But now I should really get on with that essay writing, because  otherwise I've lost a whole day again to other things.

from Tumblr

Tampere trip and OOTD #4

As I said in my earlier post, we went to Tampere with my bf/ex and tried cleaning out my apartment, well it's never all that simple, but we got a lot done and now it's just a matter of finding people to buy a few of my things and then getting them out of there. Also I have to go back with my dad and our bigger car for a few chairs and things. But a lot I through out and a lot a lot I brought home with me.

My entire room is filled with things now and I have to sort through all of them. With a fine toothed comb I might add, since my room doesn't fit all that many clothes that I brought home. Plus some I never wear anyways, might as well through them out to people who do want them!

I drove all the way there and back again and I was paralised for a few hundred miles haha. I'm really not used to driving. But it was fun, I'll tell you that much. Rain and no sunlight makes a good trip yeeeesss.

Here's a few pictures of today and my ginger hair, plus my outfit of the day: sleeping with sirens top and white trousers.

Going to Tampere

To clean out my apartment. I'm leaving Tampere hopefully for good, though I am sad about having to move out of that little apartment. I really liked living there, although it's really not home to me. My home is here in Sipoo, far away from my studies and thus I don't feel like keeping that place in Tampere if I'm not going to use it for the next half a year, or more. I also don't want to pay the rent.

My bf/ex is coming to pick me up at ten, but it's still a while away and I have so much I should do instead of writing this blog. I'm also going to be the one driving to Tampere so please wish me luck, I hate Ring III. I also hate the motorway between Helsinki and Lahti, and I have to use both roads if I want to get to Tampere in any sort of fast way. It's so annoying.
And I've never driven his car so I don't know how it works, and I'm really nervous.

Otherwise my morning has started off relatively well, I feel quite awake, though I shiver like mad (not from cold, since I feel quite warm) and I haven't done any of the chores I need to have done before ten am.

So I'll post something later on about my apartment, show you guys in what a state it was and how it looks after we're done with it!

Some persian art and today's life

We went to Porvoo with my dad today. Our car needed to be checked that it's good for Finnish roads again, it had to be strip searched basically. And I drove both ways, there and back again. It was both amazing and horrible, and I can tell you, I cannot do two things at the same time in the car. Impossible. If I look one way, I immediately turn the car the other way, which is really dangerous and I  should seriously learn out of it. I also take really quick turns, I'm just a bit jerky in every possible way when it comes to driving.

I'm now waiting for my boyfriend to come. I have some things planned for him, so I just can't wait.

Now here's for some persian art: