Trigger Warning: Fitspo Ahead

I know some of my readers are battleing with eating disorders, so that's why there's a trigger warning. I hope you don't get offended by this post, or the posts that will come later, but this is something I need to keep myself under control. I have never suffered an eating disorder and these pictures won't make me get one, but they will help me to remember my goal of eating healthy and working out.
For some of you they may be the epitomy of anorexia, but for me they're just a small reminder that I am nowhere near my goal of a healthy and fit weight. I don't plan on getting underweight, I doubt for that would even be possible, but if I only look at happy chubby girls on the internet I don't find the same inspiration as I do seeing someone that has visible abs and a nice bottom.

So sorry for those who can't handle this, but this is my blog and I will run it accordingly. So if you are sensitive to the imagery do not proceed further. You have been warned. Okay? Good.

Watch out for all the selfies

Today's thoughts on getting back on track with weight loss!

So in the past few months I've let myself go completely and have gained weight rather than lost it (and no, it's not muscle, I assure you). But last night I got a terrible urge to lift weights again, so I started again with my workout routine.
It changes every day and since I have no gym nearby, I do everything at home. You may laugh, since I only have 5 kg dumbbells and a 16 kg kettleball (which is really nothing if you really wanna train) but it's sufficed thus far. Not to mention my muscles are so weak now, I can barely lift the 16 kg one. So I only use it for deadlifting rather than anything else.

I'm back on Fitocracy too again and now I levelled up onto level 20! Which is super duper exciting! Sadly the whole page is a bit glitchy so I can't see anything of my feed or anyone else's, just track my own workouts. Thankfully at least that!
I've also gone online to check for more workouts and routines and exercises so that I have some variety in what I do. Also I seem to be in a relatively good condition regardless of my laziness because all the "beginner" exercise plans are just really lame. It's like 10 crunches and 10 this and that. Jesus, I do like 60 in one go. And yes, I do do them correctly, I just don't feel like I've done anything after just 10.

My only problem with all of this is that I really like lifting weights, but I absolutely hate cardio. I just can't stand cardio exercises, mostly because of the immediate outbreak of sweat that comes with it. I hate sweating and I sweat really really really easily. But hey, I suppose it's the price to pay for a good lean body.

I'm also thinking of making my whole diet different and actually looking up on nutrients and where to get them best. Usually my dad cooks and let's just say his diet isn't the best in the world, so making myself eat clean and fresh is a tad difficult with a baconloving father. He's thin though, great metabolism. But I have managed to switch from eating junk snacks into eating healthier snacks like carrots and bell peppers with some cream cheese, so I don't eat chocolate everytime I crave something to eat.
Because let's face it. I don't eat when I'm hungry. I don't really get hungry however long I stay without eating. So I need to regulate my meal times and it's not easy since I usually forget to eat and then I get cravings for random stuff. I'm kinda like a bulimic who doesn't throw up. And yes there is such a thing.

I'd love to find a good PDF file online that talks about nutrition but it seems I'll have to buy an actual book to find anything out. I hate reading stuff online, so I prefer having them as paper.

Now to talk about my problem areas. Okay, I'm fat, so all of my body is a problem area, but nevermind that now. I'm talking about muscles. My arms are so and so, my stomach muscles are surprisingly good, but my leg muscles are absolutely crap. I can barely do squats and god knows about my lunges. I have to hold onto something while doing them 'cause I shudder so much that I lose my balance! I also have huge amounts of scars and cellulite which would be lovely to get rid of. Thankfully I have none of that hard fat in my stomach so I'm basically a healthy fatty but I'm really wibblywobbly. All my fat is under the skin and it looks dreadful.

Last year I was down to about 60 kg. Now I'm almost back at 80. Which is horrible, absolutely horrible. I need to step up and really take control of my life. I should also go jogging which I hate, I prefer running on a treadmill but the nearest treadmill is five kilometres away.

Shopping and OOTD

So I went on a bit of a shopping spree today, since I needed some Summer clothes for Canada (I've sorta outgrown my last Summer's clothes....damned fatty food) so yeah, got some new lovely items. I'm going to show them as OOTDs in the next few days, so you'll see what I got!

The trousers are from H&M and the top from GinaTricot. I love them both to death! Exactly what I was looking for. Something feminine, yet enough rock n' roll to not seem too average and a lot of lace <3 I love lace.