Also I drank way too much again. I mean, not as bad as sometimes, I still remember everything and got home safely, but as I was on my bike, it wasn't too easy getting home. I fell like three or four times (not badly, just sort of keeled over) and twisted my ankle in the process. Now I can't do any calf raises for a while. Drinking+biking=BAD IDEA.
Otherwise I'm doing so and so, I feel a tad depressed, mostly because of random and anonymous bitchy comments, completely out of the question that I don't take them personally. I take everything personally, it's a fault that I'm trying my best to work on. Maybe it's something to do with my depression but I just don't know.
I've also been working out a lot more lately, I only have less than a week to my trip to Canada so I'd like to have a few muscles before I get there. I know I'm not going to be a fit hottie there, but at least I'll have some power if someone tries to rob me or something.
My diet has been an absolute and total failure. I've just gained weight. I'm almost at my heaviest again and I hate it so much. But I've tried to step up again and eat healthy and exercise (mostly lifting weights, because I hate cardio), so I'm slowly on my way to becoming a better version of me again.
I also constantly crave something sweet, but thankfully we don't have anything and I'm way too lazy to start baking something so problem sort of solved.
We've also been trying to cut down on meat consumption with my dad, and eating a lot of vegetarian and vegan dishes. Not because we want to stop eating meat, we both love meat, but because the meat here in the stores is horrible - watery and rubbery and tastes disgusting. And buying better meat costs so much that it's easier to just cut back.
My smoking has also gotten worse, I'm like a chimney now. I wish I didn't smoke that much, but I don't really know what to do if I don't smoke. I kind of smoke out of boredom, it gives me a minute or two to just enjoy a nice breeze and to stop me from eating out of boredom. Because that's what I do, I don't eat because I'm hungry, I eat 'cause I don't feel like I have anything else to do. It's a really bad habit.
I'm also sorry about all the thinspo and fitspo photos I post now, I know they can be triggering to many of you, but they help me keep motivated with my own weight loss, since if other people can look fit and good like that then why not me too? I will look good at some point, I promise. I have to.
Also a small post scriptum: If you have nothing nice to say, don't bother saying anything, I hate jealousy so much and I cannot understand why some people put so much energy into bitching about people that have done nothing wrong. This is the internet guys, everybody edits photos and lies about something, get over it!
“Envy is when you want what someone else has. Jealousy’s when you also don’t want them to have it.”
| — | Kirsten Hubbard, Wanderlove |
