100th blog post and some of my favourite lipsticks and glosses

Now I know this is a bit of a weirdo thing to do for a hundreth post, but I won't care, refuse to, point blank!
Also, sorry for the lack of selfies, and even more apologies for the quality of these, I've been seriously freezing my ass off here for the past week and wear four layers of thick woolly shirts and scarf around my head and neck AND a hat. A bright pink one. Love neon colours!

So here are some of my lipsticks and lipglosses in an orderly fashion, and the ones I'll be showing you:

1.Nude 2.Gold that turns carmine red 3.Pink 4.Red 5.Sparkly violet 6.Pinkblue gloss 7.Plum gloss 8.Bright pink gloss

And here come the selfies of the lipsticks and the three glosses shown. Some of them don't show as well as others (like the almost white lipgloss in the picture is actually a pink with a very clear blue shimmer to it that doesn't show on camera). I'll try to place these in order:

I really do look ridiculous in my not-quite-freezing-to-death-outfit. It's like a neon pink winterland revolutionary!


Chic make up ideas

As I'm waiting for my absolutely enourmous packet of eyeshadows to arrive from the States, I'm looking at eye make ups I could do and ware myself. Now I have a huge collection of make up, mostly all kinds of cheapo stuff, that's actually quite good, but nothing compared  to some really tiny brands like Geek Chic Cosm. who I've now ordered from. I'll make a post about some of my make up later at some point, at least of my huge collection of lipsticks (I love lipstick).

Here's some really colourful yet unbelievable beautiful eye make ups to your pleasure, hope some of you can create these. I still need some practice...

Some more or less scene t-shirts

So I know people have this weird attitude against anyone who's emo - in any way or form. Even more than say, against metalheads or goths or punks. Why?
Are you jealous?
No, I doubt it, jealousy isn't always the answer to everything. But it does give a slight hint. What's the thing about emo that annoys the most? The ridiculous idea that only a suicidal maniac with tendencies for horrible amounts of selfies can be emo - or scene queens and guys and whatever.
It is annoying.
But it isn't really emo.
And most "emo" bands are just alternative rock. I like alternative rock. It sometimes crosses paths with screamo, sometimes with punk (I love hc punk btw) and sometimes with pop, but it's all okay. Everything is mostly all okay, just as long as it doesn't harm others. Music doesn't harm people - people do. So if you're one of those condescending "I hate emos" kind of person - look in the mirror - are you really a good person?

Here's some (huge amount of) pictures of some cool t-shirts, some more or less emo or scene, and some pretty emo guys and girls:

Oh and if you didn't notice - I have a huge love affair with Leda Muir. She's the cutest thing e v e r.

Heart Transplants and Heart Tattoos

So I've probably never told you, or more like, I know I've never told you, that I'm a transplant patient.
When I was 11 years old I was diagnosed with severe dialated cardiomyopathy which basically meant that my heart had grown to almost the size of my ribcage and didn't pump blood very well anymore.
I didn't have any pains, just a lot of arhythmia and I felt sick all the time (wanted to throw up constantly).

For the first few months I was in the children's hospital in Helsinki in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) and then the heart ward and got heart medication from the start. I was put on the transplant list, but I was taken off of it, when I started to show signs of recovery. I was sent home with a large amount of medicine to take and I felt slowly better again. I wasn't allowed to participate in gym or anything of the sort, I wasn't even allowed to go to school with the bus, I had to take a taxi so I wouldn't strain myself and my heart.

However, in March 2002 my condition crashed. I got such a huge amount of arhythmia that day (maybe the 22nd, can't remember) that I mentioned it to my dad and off we went to the hospital. There they told me that my condition had gone down to where we started at 9 months earlier. So I was put on the transplant list again, as an urgent case. I dont' remember how long I waited, but it wasn't days or months, it was only a few hours and off I went into surgery. My parents were sent home and there they said they just walked around the dining room table waiting for the phone call to tell them I'm alright and have a new working heart now.

Of course, it's never quite that simple. They did get that phone call, I was alright, I was happy, in terrible pains and in a huge opiate cloud, but happy to be alive and happy to know that from now on I can live a normal life again.

Again, not quite that simple. Every day I have to take a large amount of medication to keep me alive. Some of them, only a small portion, is for antirejection (rejection is when my white blood cells attack my heart because it's not a perfect cellular match to my own cells and see it as a foreign object). The rest are for a number of other things: blood thinners so I don't get blood clots, blood pressure medicine, because the antirejection meds cause high blood pressure, and colesterol meds because again, the rejection meds can cause high colesterol levels.

Actually, I've been quite fine using these meds for the past 11½ years now, but hospitals and me don't get along anymore. Now I have anti-depressants for both depression and anxiety problems, anti-anxiety meds and as a backup, sedatives, because I've had such awful experiences in hospitals, and after so long of taking blood samples, my veins are non existent. I have had some wonderful times in hospitals as well - kind people treating me and giving me the feeling that they know what they're doing and really want to help me, so as a rule, I'm not complaining, but even the idea of having to go some strange ward in a strange hospital makes me cry. I am crying as I'm writing this.

I have had a small small tiny little rejection twice. Once right after the operation, which was ordinary, since they had to see what doses of meds to give me, and then after six years from the operation, and then they switched Sandimmun to Prograf. That made me very happy, because I hated Sandimmun with all my heart. It smelled dreadful and tasted even worse, and it caused both hair growth (everywhere) and enlarged gums. So I basically had no visible teeth and a nice big moustache. Never had a unibrow, but my eyebrows still go all the way to my hairline on the sides! Also I still do have a moustache. Jees I'm more hairy than most Finnish men! Thank goodness for razors.

Another medicine that gave me a lot of issues and a lot of self-confidence problems was cortison. I was a real example case of the worst possible visible side effects - I grew to a balloon in about a month without eating almost anything because I still felt sick after the operation. It was all water that was being stored in my body. That's the reason I have so many stretch marks all over my body. I was a huge hairy balloon from sixth grade all through to ninth grade when I sort of levelled to normal and then got a short lasting eating disorder. I was never skinny, I never lasted that long, but I did go from L to S in a short time period.

My transplant has given me a lot to think about over the years, and though I am and will always be so grateful that I am alive today, and that someone out there was kind enough to be donour before they died, and saved my life, I have gotten a lot of trouble from this as well. When I caught mono in winter 2009, I never would have thought that that virus (EBV: Epstein Barr Virus) would cause me a cancer. Last spring, in March actually, I was diagnosed with PTLD - post transplatic lymphoproliferative disease - which meant that I had B-cell lymphoma. Cancer in my lymph nodes.

Thankfully, the treatment I got was less harmfull for me than what chemo would've been, so I was lucky in that sense, but it's not yet sure if the cancer is all gone. Right now I am plagued with pain in my jawline which is caused by an enlarged lymph node (over a centimetre large!) and the results from my previous enteroscopy still showed signs of possible lymphoma so now I got a new enteroscopy and will hear about the results hopefully next week.

Maybe now it is sort of clear what has happened in my life and why I am on anti-depressants, which I should have been on for years already. I just refused to believe I was depressed, though I thought about suicide more than once. More than a hundred times I suppose. I knew I could never do it, because of my dad, I couldn't leave him lonely, with a dead wife and a dead daughter, and two very difficult dogs.

I am a survivor. So is my dad. So was my mother as well after her first cancer. We're all survivors and I will do whatever it takes to stay on this planet. In this world. But it's not always easy, it's not always simple, and most of the time, it's really painful. 

Hopefully this clears up somethings that I'm sure some of you at least have wondered about if you have read my introduction, or know me in real life.

Fifth Day of Christmas: DIY Ornamentball with fabric

For the fifth DIY of my Christmas advent calendar I have something really cute and special for you, that I might go and try myself when I get the time. It's an ornament ball for your Christmas tree to hang on the beautiful branches!

This one is really simple - just get yourself some old fabric (or new if you don't have old) and a ball. Just any ball will do, but of course you can go fancy and get some real DIY ball for you.

Then fold the fabric over the ball and tie with a ribbon.
You can add anything to it, glue some glitter on or add some nice pretty leaves or make some more ribbons to go around it, the world of DIY is your oyster!