Snow, ponds and feeling better

Still in the hospital and probably will be here for quite some time to come, but I feel a hell of a lot better. The cortison helped to take away some of the swelling in my neck and throat - my lymph nodes are a bit swollen still but not a lot anymore and they don't hurt that much anymore. My throat still hurts like a bitch, but at least now (finally) I'm getting actual painkillers. I managed to plead long enough for them to agree to give me oxycodone when I really need it. Which is only about twice a day now, since the swelling has gone down.

I'm getting my antibiotics through the IV but everything else I'll be taking as pills, which is awesome. And I'm allowed to eat now that I can (thanks to the painkillers) and I feel so incredibly happy just to be able to drink a bottle of coke without wanting to die. Before it felt like one gulp could tear my throat in two but now it feels completely normal with just a slight sting. Slight sting. Jesus, one day and this much progress! It's fantastic!

And I'm pretty sure I'll be getting to speak to a psychiatric nurse soonish - I did ask the first day I was here, but it didn't go further, but today during the doctors' rounds, they told me that yes they know and I should get to speak to someone at some point. Which is great, 'cause I've really been feeling quite anxious here. I haven't had the time to see my regular psychologist, so this is already long overdue to speak to someone, so I really can't wait to load things off my chest!

Now that I have the catheter on my neck, I don't need to have an IV in my arm or hand or anywhere, so I can actually use my hands normally again! Which again, fantastic! Hopefully I'll only miss a few days of school next week and not the entire week. I don't know yet though, but all my teachers are fine with this so I'm sure I can deal with the courses even if I end up missing the entire week. Hope not though, we have team projects and I feel bad about not being there.

Also I got a text message from my post office that two shoes that I ordered have arrived! I cannot wait. They're awesome!

Yes, this painkiller might be making me a tad hyper, but hey, I'm almost pain free! So I don't care what's making me hyper, I am happy.

Every day I go out for a walk (and sorry to say also a smoke) and today there's snow on the ground as well! It's really pretty. Aurora hospital, though in Helsinki, is a nice place: right on a hill, old buildings scattered around, small unkempt park with a pretty little pond. Went to see the pond today and it was frozen over!

It's So Cold Out There

It's -20 degrees centigrade here and it's really cold indoors as well, which is why I haven't been online and haven't posted  anything in days. It's just way too cold to sit by my computer right now and I don't have internet or a mouse for my laptop which is in a warmer room.
So yeah, first time since I started this blog have I skipped a day, or two to be precise.

Here are some photos from outside, when I still dared venture there...

Today's thoughts on life and driving

So today has been quite an eventful one. First of all, I woke up at my usual time, around sevenish in the morning, but didn't expect that after two seconds the lights would go out. No electricity for over an hour, so we spent the morning with my dad staring at each other by the kitchen table and not really knowing what to do.
I lit up some candles and started reading, but my dad's eyes aren't as young as mine, so he had nothing to do whatsoever, so we decided to just skip the whole breakfast thing and sleep instead. I didn't sleep, I just sat on my new bed and started doing some of them home workouts. I have some weights as well in my room so I just played a boxer with them in my hands. My arms are already a bit sore.

Then the power came back on, but we went and skipped the whole breakfast thing again and instead went to the post office, the store, another post office, my grans for breakfast, the bank and the computer shop where my dad picked up his new computer! His old one is sort of dying...

Then when were on our way back, I suggested we take our bernese and go to Porvoo to Eurokangas to buy some fabrics. Eurokangas is a fabric store. My dad wasn't very happy with the idea, but came around to it anyways. So I bought some 9 metres of faux velvet and some 3 metres of velvety lycra.

And all this time I drove. I never drive. But these last few weeks of being  home, I've started to ask my dad if I could drive our car, because I think I need to learn how to drive with it (it's big and bulky and I don't like driving big cars) since we don't know if my dad's condition is going to worsen by the years. I mean, he is already almost seventy and he might have a neurological thing like ALS or MS and I don't even want to think of it, but I need to because I want to be there to help. So I need to learn how to drive (got my license like four years ago though...).

Anyway, long day, and now I'm bleaching my hair the second time around, let's see how that turns out! Maybe I'll post some green pictures later tonight!

Cleaning out my closet

Not really. Just my entire room. And my dad's room, since a lot of my stuff was still in there after we switched bedrooms. A lot of his stuff was in my room as well, so we took the entire evening into cleaning out both our closets, and trying to make the most of it even though my dad's neck is a pain in the neck (ha ha) and I'm sick with just  common cold now on top of everything bloody else.

Anyway, I'm slightly starting to feel like my own room is my room really, and not just my parent's old bedroom. It's really coming to me now, and it feels really good.
I burnt a scented candle and some aromatic oils in there as well, and it smells so good. It's like an orangerie in there now, such a beautiful mixture of bergamot, rose and orchids, and I've put up some paintings and photos up on the walls and feel much more comfy in there now.

Oh and I found some really old photos and frames of my dad as a baby and my Swiss gran, and it's awesome, I get to keep all of them and put them on my walls! I'm so happy right now.

I also have a double mattress, as in two singles on top of each other, feels really weird 'cause the one on top is bigger than the one below!
But it's okay, 'cause tomorrow I should get my new bed, and then I can put both of them on there, the smaller one on top.

Mail came today for me, a few packages from the UK, one from Forever 21 with two shorts in it, and one from Osiris with loads of stuff in it, going to show you later both of them, but not today, not today. Also got a package from the US with Pusheen stuff in it, the cute lil' t-shirt with 'classy English gentelman Pusheen' on it and a little notepad, all from Hey Chickadee.

Now I'm going to go clean again, which is really weird, 'cause I hate cleaning...

Thankfully there's some inspiration on Youtube:

Letters, beautiful letters on papers, life's a dreary adventure without the comfort of writing

I cannot write anything to this post. Not more than this.
I find comfort in writing.
I write letters.
I write novels.
I write short stories.
Poems.
I love to philosophise.
I love to write essays.
I write sometimes with my bs generator on.
Poems.
I can't crack them, but I love them.
And nothing gives me more joy than the post I get from others.
And what I can send to friends and family.

100th blog post and some of my favourite lipsticks and glosses

Now I know this is a bit of a weirdo thing to do for a hundreth post, but I won't care, refuse to, point blank!
Also, sorry for the lack of selfies, and even more apologies for the quality of these, I've been seriously freezing my ass off here for the past week and wear four layers of thick woolly shirts and scarf around my head and neck AND a hat. A bright pink one. Love neon colours!

So here are some of my lipsticks and lipglosses in an orderly fashion, and the ones I'll be showing you:

1.Nude 2.Gold that turns carmine red 3.Pink 4.Red 5.Sparkly violet 6.Pinkblue gloss 7.Plum gloss 8.Bright pink gloss

And here come the selfies of the lipsticks and the three glosses shown. Some of them don't show as well as others (like the almost white lipgloss in the picture is actually a pink with a very clear blue shimmer to it that doesn't show on camera). I'll try to place these in order:

I really do look ridiculous in my not-quite-freezing-to-death-outfit. It's like a neon pink winterland revolutionary!

 

Today's thoughts, some shopping and some hospital stuff

Sorry for being so quiet today, I just didn't have the time to write anything thus far. I spent the entire morning in hospital for an ultrasound of my throat and jawline, because of the pains I've had there, and it turns out that on the side that it hurts my lymph node is over 1 cm big! That's bleeding enormous! And no wonder it hurts.
And I got to talk to the pain doctor and psychiatrist and everything's in order as far as that's concerned, I'm allowed to take more of the painkillers I have (Neurontin) and I get to take my normal double dose of the 10 mg Cipralex anti-depressants. So all fun and games in possible lymphoma land!

Then I went to do some Christmas shopping, bought prezzies for my family (dad and gran) but other than that all it was was a huge amount of "Oh my Goood, could you PLEASE move out of my way" and "Oh please Lord just let the Apocalypse start" while waiting in queues and standing around and I was dead tired after getting back from Helsinki, but we still had to go to two stores and R-Kioski, so I had no chance of going to sleep, plus I drove us home, since dad had difficulty driving, so that was horrible.

Thankfully what awaited me today in the mail was a packet from MakeUpStore and YvesRocher:

Oh and our Bernese puppy (1,5 years) ate my favourite beanie. Here a few pictures of a freezing me with it on: