Everyday Life While Dad's Away

So I thought I'd just take a few photos to show you my morning routines now that my dad's in Switzerland (coming home today! I can't wait, I'm so so tired and need a break)

Selfiemania: Curls and Eyeliner

I've been asleep for most of the day, still have a little bug that's keeping my temperature up a tad, but not enough to make me really sick. Just enough to make me tired and give me a headache. I hope it's away soon, before tomorrow, because tomorrow is my photoshoot day and I'm super duper excited! I can't wait to have real photography taken of me! I've usually been the one behind the camera and now I can really try and model!

I have to get some inspiration first though, practice poses and stuff like that. See how I look from different angles, I think I'll do that today with my camera. See what happens. You may also get to see my outfit, my wonderful at home slabby outfit. I know slabby isn't a word. At least I don't know what it's supposed to mean if it is a word but it seems like the kind of thing I'd call my at home outfit - slabby.

Tried to curl my hair today using my curling iron. Turned out rather well if I say so myself, though I did burn myself a couple of times. At least my hair got curly and won't stop being curly. So it's sticking and that's good! Usually the curls unfold rather quickly...

As make up I only used eyeliner today, and some lipstick but the lipstick didn't hold long enough to show on the photos. I don't mind, I like not having that much make up on in photos. Never use any foundation or powder either, and I think it's completely okay. I don't need to look perfect in photos, I just want to look like me, and that I think I usually do. A bit of a weirdo with no make up.

I redyed my hair green on Saturday, it was starting to fade and as my hair got longer I started showing my lovely natural colour on the roots, so I really needed a redye. Thankfully my hair is so used to getting dyed that it's actually still in good condition. Not mention the green dye sticks really well, so I didn't have to dye all of my hair again, just the top part.

Have had such a constructive day today, geez Louise, I've slept and watched Stargate Atlantis. I think I'll continue on this path, plus make make up ready for tomorrow! Need to have everything packed and ready before tomorrow at 3 pm. We're shooting at 5 pm so I need to be ready early.

Selfiemania!

Today's thoughts: 30 Shreds and Fire

We went to my dad's neurologist's appointment today. I won't tell you anything more about that now, not yet.
I should hear from my shrink's office for days now, but nobody tries to call me. I should get a nurse assigned to me, but nothing's happened yet.

It's been really cold now a couple of days, and today it got so cold that my dad was okay with us starting to heat the wood oven in our kitchen. It warms up the whole house really well, so maybe I turn off my radiator once  it's all warm and cozy in my room.

Haven't been feeling very well the last few days. Today I threw up in the morning, felt really really ill. And no, I can't be pregnant. But still, feeling sick like that is not normal for me, I wonder if all the visits to Porvoo hospital gave me some annoying bug that's now reeking havoc in my system.

I bought some bleach today, should dye my hair again, but that'll have to wait till the weekend when we go to sauna. Without the sauna warming the shower area, it's way too cold to strip and shower there... way way too cold. Like 14 degrees centigrade. In our kitchen it's now a nice 16 degrees. In my room more like 22...I really take heat better these days, I need warmer climates.

I haven't had a panic attack today, haven't felt any anxiousness either, just nausea. I feel worried though, but that's because of my dad's thing.

Got something wonderful in the mail as well today! I ordered Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred from CDON.com last week and have been anxiously waiting for it to come and today I got it. It's a real toughy for me, but I'll try my best to keep up! I'll tell you about my progress as the month goes by. Boy did that first 20 minutes shred me totally, but it felt really good finally doing something again, and twenty minutes aren't that much so I can easily do this every day now!

Also got something to collect from the post office, but that I'll do tomorrow.

Safe to Say

Safe to say it's never the same
again
never in a new moon
the same again

Wish it was safe
to be oneself
truly to be oneself
but it's
safe to say
that will never
come to pass

Safe to say
the world will be
but you and me
will never
come to pass

All photos from Tumblr

Today's thoughts and make up

It was a long day today, and yesterday. My dad underwent his ENMG (a painful thing, I can tell ya) and today I had my lab tests (23 viles of blood, 23!). I had to call the shrink yesterday 'cause I've been forgetting stuff lately and forgot to get more meds, and didn't have any on my prescription, so I had to call and ask them to refill and oh what a mess that was. And twentythree viles of blood really took it out of me, I slept like a baby for two hours afterwards.
Then again, I woke up at four am again unable to fall asleep again. So no wonder I was tired.

Don't let my smiling face fool you in this post. I have learned a long time ago how to smile away pain.

I've been feeling worse again. Not really suicidal, not really panicking, but something inbetween, I feel a heavy load on my chest and I don't know why. I have nothing to stress me, at least nothing that I notice, but I notice being stressed, I feel anxious all the time, except a few hours after taking my meds. My meds help, I just wish I didn't have to take them to be normal. I used to be so normal, so happy. I'm still happy at times, and today I got a lot done too, I cleaned my room and organised my t-shirts and everything, and still I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up in half a year. A real winter's rest. Hibernation. Something like that.

I think my sedatives are making me cold too, I feel it more easily after taking them, and now it's really cold outside. And inside, we don't really heat anything even in the winter and I'm freezing. I feel so so cold.

I've been neglecting my diet too, keep eating like a pig and moving too little, I keep gaining weight rather than losing it. Thankfully in a few days I should get a package from CDON that might help me get to my goals. Finally.

I have been able to stick to my 30 day no sugar challenge though with a few minor misses, I drank a few hot chocolates, but other than that, I haven't strayed and I feel a bit better because of it. It feels nice being able to stop myself from eating a whole bar of chocolate, not because I'm hungry but because I just really need to.

Did some DIYs again, with my t-shirts, should take photos of them all, and the things I've bought but haven't showed anyone yet. I have some really nice things I haven't even worn yet. I wish summer was here so I could wear all of them! And show them, instead I'm sitting here with two cardigans and a woolly pullover freezing my ass off. Oh well.

My make up today decided to go to something  I rarely do - a smokey eye make up. I have really heavy lidded eyes and so I tend to steer away from really dark make up, but today I felt like experimenting. Eyeshadows are Geek Chic Cosmetics You Know Who and Madness.