Horrendous and Wonderful Day

My day started just like that - it was horrendous. My stomach ached like mad, everything hurt and I could barely get a word out of  my mouth because I was in such a haze and my mouth so dry and somehow my tongue too big for my mouth, if you know what I mean?

I had the examination called ENMG today, which is to check that my nerves are fine, and thank goodness the doctor was so sweet, because I told him about my stomach problems and that I was actually wearing a diaper, so he only checked the big nerves that he said would get damaged first if any were damaged. And I got a clean bill of health from him, no nerve damage whatsoever.

But my stomach would nnot let it go, and I ended up sleeping till about two pm when my old friend Jessi came with her son to meet me and do some energy healing. She's been practicing and she was amazing. She took away the pain in both my knees and my ankles and we had such a blast together.
We also took some photos, so I'll show them to you in another post!

What a Day and Some Bohemian Inspiration

So today was eventful to say the least. I woke up at 7 am as per usual in a hospital, but in such a haze that I spent the entire morning eyes half closed and my speech slurring. It was like I was still asleep. Before noon I had two visitors: my psychiatrist and my psychiatric nurse. So I spent most of my time slurring about my feelings and about how my medication is affecting me, which probably did not seem very nice to either visitor. They both mentioned my sleepiness quite a few times.

At noon, when all the doctors had come and gone (I forgot to ask about a days worth of leave from hospital just to see my dog, but I'll try and remember that tomorrow...), I decided I really needed some more sleep, so I basically passed out on my bed, whilst checking some lovely dresses on Backstreet and woke up in another daze when my photographer Jari B Miettinen came in to the room and with a loud voice said "Hello Frankie". I mean I knew he was coming, I just didn't think I'd sleep for two whole hours then.

So the idea was that with Jari we'd take a good long photoshoot in the hospital, show some of the feelings that come out when staying in a hospital and such. And it was amazing, amazing I tell you, but the funniest part was that by the last set of photos, the hospital priest came in ('cause she had promised to come that day) and stayed watching us do the last set. I think she was quite intrigued by what we were doing, since the last set was quite sinister and brought up a lot of feelings in me.

Anyway, we came up to eight different sets, which I'm going to share to you all in eight different posts, so be on the lookout for them! I seriously mean eight (8) different posts for these photos from this photoshoot, because there was just that much material to work with!
I really hope you'll like them and comment, constructive criticism is always welcome, especially with a  amateur model like me!
So good night everyone and you'll get the first set tomorrow!

Selfiemania: Glitter Eyeliner and Curls

It's nice sometimes to do something special  to oneself in a hospital, so I decided to put some make up one when my dear friend Lucretia came to visit me. Some of these photos are taken by her, some by myself.
The curls in my hair I got from having a french braid in my hair for the night, that's why one side is more curly than the other...what a shame.

Some good and bad news - maybe?

Yesterday was a really hectic day. I knew I had a school thing to do and had calculated that everything would be done here in the hospital by noon so I'd have three hours to write the thing. Yeah never gonna happen! I was shipped from one examination to another so that by the time I started writing, I only had twenty minutes time.

I thought, no problem, shouldn't be too difficul, but by the time it was almost three pm, my doctor came into the room and told me the good news - they had gotten the results of the PET scan and it had shown something that might explain why I suddenly have all of these blood clots everywhere.

'However, the bad news is that what they saw in the PPET was an abnormality in my small intestinesm which could mean that my PTLD might have come back, It could also mean a variety of other things, including a copletely different cancer, or who knows what,They need to take a biopsy to make sure what it actually is, but right now they don't know what would be the best way to get the biopsy, since it's deeper in my small intestines than what my PTLD was. They also don't know when they're going to do to the biopsy.

I'm actually quite scared now. If it's PTLD, no worries, I might stil not need chemo and the Rituximab will be enough to treat it, but when my mom had her first ovarian cancer, it sstarted with blood clots all over her legs, and I'm really scared that I might have some other type of cancer now and will need chemo and everything. Then again, it could also just be a small wound that's bleeding...

I'm scared that I might die young. I'm scare that I might die. The only thing keeping me poisitive is the fact that they don't know what it is until they have done the biopsy.
Plus all my amazing friends and family who've supported me so much during this time, I love you guys and my dad to pieces, never forget that!

The Day After Pain

Yesterday evening was dreadful and I cried out of pain for hours on end, but today has been so much better. So so much better.
I had an examination that required quite a bit of preparation, but it went well and took longer than expected, which of course was annoying. My nurses for the day were absolutely lovely, I have no bad word against them - especially my evening nurse is such a bubbly happy personality that I immediately become happy as well.

Tomorrow some of my relatives are coming to visit me, which is amazing, since I see them way too seldom and I love them to pieces (escpecially their little boy whose the smartest kid I've ever met and sure I'm biased but it's still true). Today my godmother came and I missed her so much already and it hadn't even been that long since we last saw each other. I love my family.

Hopefully one day this week my school project team is going to come here and film my part of our video presentation (me acting all drugged up and sick and mumbling words referring to finances, I love being the comic relief).

Next week is going to be hectic. On Monday if all goes well, I'll have a little photoshoot here in the hospital with Mr. Miettinen, who has photographed me before many times and is eager to test these kinds of surroundings. And on Wednesday I'll have my ENMG which is to check if my nerve pathways are healthy or not and if my pain is nerve related or not. Also in the evening an old friend of mine from school might come and help me with some energy healing (she's taken courses and everything), and though I'm sceptic towards things like that, I've been in the hospital now for over a month and I need to keep my mind open and let people help me. At least they can't do any harm, so what would be the point in not trying, right?

Also, eating veggie meals in the hospital is the best thing ever, the meals are just so much better without that crappy meat! I'm loving this lacto-ovo-vegetarianism.

Some more lovely visitors

I just have the BEST school mates EVER! They all came to visit me in hospital, and just made my day! I am so lucky to have you guys, honestly!

Last Sunday - a pleasant evening and long night

I've been really muddled here for the last days, I've been in way too much pain to use my computer. Now I've regained control of my right hand, so I can use both for writig, which is amazing.

But, even though my hemoglobin levels were at 67 (realy low), I wsa so happy and excited to see my good friend and fellow blogger Manette from Music and My Mind
She was here at the same time as my dad, and my dad really liked her and I do hope she wasn't too scared of my dad, haha.

Halloween in Aurora

Nothing special happened during Halloween here - same old same old. I had a CT scan which showed nothing out of the ordinary, I saw a psychiatric nurse and maybe will get some better anxiety meds, and I got to talk to a neurologist about my painkillers which he told them to up the doses (fantastic) and switch the oral liquid oxynorm to IM oksanest, which helps way more.

Went to a mass on Thursday qn got tto talk to a priest too, but I told her that since I'm converting to catholicism, I can always ask help from father M. But it was real sweet of her to come and I wouldn't mind talking to her again. She was lovely and chatting to her was really nice.

I've also bonded with my two roommates - both retired and Mar is the most awesome roommate, the other one is real sweet towards us, but is a huge racist. It's so annoying. She's so smart and still stupid enough to hate someone just cause their culture is different. I hope that with enough brainwashing from me and Mar, she'll better her ways a bitt. Plus she likes my dad though he's a foreigner.

I hope someone comes to give me those painkillers soon, already been 25 minutes since I asked. Oh well, hospitals right?

I just love these jars!

Having visitors is fun!

Yay! Hanna (my bestest school friend) came to see me again here and I decided we needed a few photos! And yes the last picture is a very manicc yellow-teethed me.
We tried to do our Russian homework but it did not go well. That language makes no sense to me. Yet. 
Also PS Hanna is awesome!