Photos XIX: Make up to cheer me up!

Every once in a while between writing this blog and writing my essay, I do get a tad bored. And a tad sad. So what I do to cheer me up, is take a lot of selfies, put some make up one and again take a lot of selfies. So this is what I did: I have with me a part of my collection of Geek Chic Cosmetics eyeshadows (I love them, and on Friday I will place an order there to get more!) and decided to play around with them. The shades I used were Born in Fire, Kingslayer and  Ambassador.

I also used my old Wet n' Wild black eyeshadow to slightly darken my eyebrows. I have nearly black eyebrows, but I've been plucking the hell out of them, so they don't seem as dark anymore. Also used some as eyeliner under my bottom lashes. Ambassador is a dark purple shade, sort of more red than blue with these beautiful golden glitters, Kingslayer is a creamy white with white sparkles and Born in Fire is a violet shade with really bright pink glitters. They're my absolute favourites of all the shades I bought last time, and but we'll see if my new order on Friday gives me new favourites!

Ambassador and Kingslayer

Ambassador and Kingslayer

Ambassador and Kingslayer

Ambassador and Kingslayer

Born in Fire and Kingslayer

Born in Fire and Kingslayer

Born in Fire and Kingslayer

Born in Fire and Kingslayer

Photos XVIII: White

This is my white post. I find the colour white to be much more of a sad colour than black, so I use it more as a colour of sadness than maybe others here in the western world. I removed some friends out of my life yesterday because of a lack of respect. Not on their part, but on mine, I just cannot find a way to respect them anymore and thus I cannot fathom how I could stay friends with them. I need to feel at least some trust towards my friends.

Though it was my decision to remove them, to delete them from my life basically, because I am not really going to see them much anymore, I do feel sad about it, because they were my mentors for the past three and a half years of studying English with them. They were the sort of people I could go to if I didn't know what to do and the sort of people I always knew would help, or at least point me to the right direction. Which is why this all is so much worse. They refused to help someone I know needs support, simply because it has nothing to do with our studies, and I find it impossible to find respect towards them anymore. We were equals this year, I felt, because I had already done my BA thesis, and they were still doing theirs, though older than me, but now, I feel like they're little children trying to play better than they really are.

So, I am both sad and angry, but I refuse to let my anger overtake me, because that would be an extremely bad idea in all possible ways. Which is why I just deleted them and will go on with my life. However, I decided to make this photopost regardless, because I think it's only fair that I mourn this situation for at least a second.

Alysha Nett

Copyright Voodica

Emma Watson

Day XIII: Food and Medicine

Food diary

Breakfast: ½ small bun and some cheese 90 kcal
Lunch: 1 herring steak and some mash potatoes 300 kcal
Dinner: 1 small spinach pastry and a cup of barley porridge (love the stuff) 370 kcal
Snacks: 2 pieces of chocolate 60 kcal
             2 gingerbreadmen 80 kcal
             1 Geisha icecream 300 kcal
Alltogether: 1200 kcal


Medicine diary

Regulars+
5 mg Oxycontin x2
x mg Neurontin x3
5 mg Cipralex x1
500 mg Paracetamol x3
5 mg Zyprexa
3 mg Oxynorm x3

Exercise

Got some visitors today, some family, my second cousin and her family, super lovely people, love them to pieces. We went to the cafeteria together and everything, but my diet went a bit haywire because when I get visitors, I don't count calories, I think it's sort of rude. So I just ate at the same rate as they did.
Exercise was minimal, but still:
20 squats plus holding one squat extra for 10 seconds
10 lunges per leg
20 pushups
30 crunches
Plus the small walk to the cafeteria and back.

I'm also sorry for the lack of posts, Blogger wouldn't accept any photos or video yesterday.

Day XVI: Ballet and Tchaikovsky

 I have in the last few days been listening a lot to classical music, and especially my favourite: Tchaikovsky. I love his small changes in tone, his songbirdlike quick notes, and just the sheer elegance of his works. My favourite is the Dance of the Little Swans from Swan Lake, but when it comes to a full work, I prefer the Nutcracker. I know my father, though Tchaikovsky is far from his favourite composer, prefers the Sleeping Beauty.

Act 1 of the Nutcracker Ballet

Copyright Natasha Razina

Day XIII: My academic day

Yes, today will be a very academic day for me. I will stop thinking about all other things apart from essays. I will only write my essays.
As if that's going to happen. But no, seriously, I do need to write. I need to write alltogether about 60 pages of essays before the end of the year, which to be honest, sounds horrible but isn't all that much. I'm at the moment writing a 20 page essay, haven't gotten past page 2 but I still know I'll manage twenty pages in no time. It's always the subject that's the problem. If the subject feels bad, something boring or difficult, you know immediately that you can't write that much about it. But if it feels interesting, it doesn't matter how hard, you'll still do it.

I suppose I have mentioned about my studies and about the fact that I'm 20 ECTS (study points) away from being a Bachelor of Arts, yes? I studiy humanities, or to be precise, English philology (yes yes I know it sounds like philosophy but it has nothing to do with that). I've been studying for 3½ years now, and I feel it's time to move on. I will finish after my BA and start something else.
I would really like to get into a polytechnic and study international business, but we'll see if I get through the exams. In any case, I don't want to go to Tampere anymore, I want to stay at home, in the south. I want to stay at home with my dad and our dogs. So for at least half a year I won't attend any school.
I will get my BA done before the end of the year, which means that spring semester I will ask Kela not to pay me any benefits, and will just be on a unpaid holiday for the time being.

All this illness and being in hospital and the stress of school alltogether have made me realise that I really need some time off, I just can't do it anymore, not like this. I need some time just for me. Just for my family and enjoy my life so that I get my mental health into order as well.
I will also get rid of my apartment in Tampere, so I'll have to go there with my dad to pack up things, and then I'll sell all the furniture and give the keys back to TOAS.
This is my plan, and personally, I feel it's a good plan, I've gotten approval for it from many people I know, people who are very close to me, so I think it will go just right.
But now, it's time for me to write those essays, otherwise I'll be stuck in blogger all day!