It's been another month gone by
they go so fast but so slow
sleep and eat and drink and sleep and
neverending circles keeping
awake for a month
Another month.
I don't know if it's the pills I keep taking or what, I suppose it's the pills, but I can't sleep anymore. I fall asleep and then wake up almost immediately and it's making me so frustrated I don't know what to do. I already spent a weekend in the psych ward getting my head together, I don't need another visit. I need to see my shrink and get more pills.
More and more medicine to swallow every night, as if it's not already a handful, a fistful.
Sometimes I don't even know if it's day or night, because at night I can't sleep properly, I fall asleep during the day and wake up thinking it's a new day. Each day just flows into the next and the previous, and I don't know where we're going. Where am I going?
Where's my life heading?
I hope the answer is simple and I get into business studies, but I fear it's more complicated than anyone could think and I manage to mess things up as usual. Such a fucking failure. I wish there was a pill to make me into a good and hardworking daughter. A good and intersting young woman. Someone to look up to rather than down on.
All alone and I still manage to have baby fever. It seems like all my friends are paring up and getting children and getting married, and I'm left out to be a maniac all by myself. But it feels like I'm abandoning them and not the other way around. I'm the one that quit. I'm the one at home and away from my friends. I'm the psycho, not them. They're awesome as ever and I'm a headcase.
Showing posts with label insane. Show all posts
Showing posts with label insane. Show all posts
12.2.14
Blog Parade: Tattoos, Crazy Hair and Body Mods in Everyday Life
Jenn from http://thehellofeverything.blogspot.de/ hosts a blog parade on the subject of tattoos, body modifications in general and special hair dyes in everyday life. What it's like, what reactions has one gotten and that sort of thing.
Today is my turn to write about this. I will start with hair dye since that's the biggest for me. I change my hair colour about once in two months, and I change it from blue to red to violet to green to black and hopefully white at some point, which means that I look a bit different from the rest of the population for quite some time.
Now I don't work, I'm a student, which gives me a special sort of perspective to this, because in a university it's not that important what you look like, you'll still do well whatever you look like. Very unlike in the business world.
I've never gotten any negative reactions to my hair colours, ever. The only person who can't stand them is my dad, even my gran likes them! So for my part I've never noticed any negativity towards me just because of the way I look.
Actually, most of the time people compliment me on my hair. When I was working in a grocery store and had dark pink hair dye, an older lady came to me and told me I look so beautiful in my hair and wished she was younger so she could pull it off too! It made my day.
And when I worked for a while in a kindergarten I got the best reviews of my hair from the little ones. They all loved my crazy hair colours and every time the told me that that's their favourite colour of aaaalll colours. It was so cute.
Now to the subject of tattoos. I have only a few tattoos, and all of them are quite easily coverable, but I try my best to show them off, since I love them. Older people have been apprehensive as to why I would ever consider getting any and my dad thinks I'm insane, but other than that I've only gotten good reviews. One of my teachers liked the shading in my chest piece and showed his tattoo to me because of it, and one of my dad's oldest friends, an old lady, artistic and energetic, said she doesn't like that it's forever on my skin, but congratulated me on the art itself. Said I was a very good artist (it's a tattoo I drew myself). She was very impressed.
Most of the time I don't get any comments or anything from people when it comes to hair and tattoos, nobody really pays attention to me in that sense. And I think that's good. When people don't notice you even if you're a walking rainbow, it means they've gotten used it and that makes life a lot easier for people with body mods.
As I don't have any piercings (yet) I can't get into that, but I have friends who have tongue piercings, lip piercings and septum piercings, and they do fine in life. Personally I think that's the way it should be.
A person's professionalism shouldn't be judged by their looks but by their actions.
However, I do understand that in certain workplaces it's just not okay to wear all piercings. Lab technicians and cooks for example have to wear protective gear anyways, so I wouldn't say it's a horrible thing to have to take the piercing out for a work day. You can always put the piercing back! But to not get a job because you have yellow hair, is something I cannot agree with, though it in this society would take authority away from the person. We are all valued based on our looks, and that's a difficult thing to change.
I hope that once at some point it will change, and all body mods will be acceptable in all areas of everyday life.
Today is my turn to write about this. I will start with hair dye since that's the biggest for me. I change my hair colour about once in two months, and I change it from blue to red to violet to green to black and hopefully white at some point, which means that I look a bit different from the rest of the population for quite some time.
Now I don't work, I'm a student, which gives me a special sort of perspective to this, because in a university it's not that important what you look like, you'll still do well whatever you look like. Very unlike in the business world.
I've never gotten any negative reactions to my hair colours, ever. The only person who can't stand them is my dad, even my gran likes them! So for my part I've never noticed any negativity towards me just because of the way I look.
Actually, most of the time people compliment me on my hair. When I was working in a grocery store and had dark pink hair dye, an older lady came to me and told me I look so beautiful in my hair and wished she was younger so she could pull it off too! It made my day.
And when I worked for a while in a kindergarten I got the best reviews of my hair from the little ones. They all loved my crazy hair colours and every time the told me that that's their favourite colour of aaaalll colours. It was so cute.
Now to the subject of tattoos. I have only a few tattoos, and all of them are quite easily coverable, but I try my best to show them off, since I love them. Older people have been apprehensive as to why I would ever consider getting any and my dad thinks I'm insane, but other than that I've only gotten good reviews. One of my teachers liked the shading in my chest piece and showed his tattoo to me because of it, and one of my dad's oldest friends, an old lady, artistic and energetic, said she doesn't like that it's forever on my skin, but congratulated me on the art itself. Said I was a very good artist (it's a tattoo I drew myself). She was very impressed.
Most of the time I don't get any comments or anything from people when it comes to hair and tattoos, nobody really pays attention to me in that sense. And I think that's good. When people don't notice you even if you're a walking rainbow, it means they've gotten used it and that makes life a lot easier for people with body mods.
As I don't have any piercings (yet) I can't get into that, but I have friends who have tongue piercings, lip piercings and septum piercings, and they do fine in life. Personally I think that's the way it should be.
A person's professionalism shouldn't be judged by their looks but by their actions.
 |
| From Tumblr |
However, I do understand that in certain workplaces it's just not okay to wear all piercings. Lab technicians and cooks for example have to wear protective gear anyways, so I wouldn't say it's a horrible thing to have to take the piercing out for a work day. You can always put the piercing back! But to not get a job because you have yellow hair, is something I cannot agree with, though it in this society would take authority away from the person. We are all valued based on our looks, and that's a difficult thing to change.
I hope that once at some point it will change, and all body mods will be acceptable in all areas of everyday life.
 |
| From Tumblr |
13.1.14
Not Right Up Here
Thought's of today and today in my head. It's not a pretty place anymore.
Had to call my shrink again, 'cause I'm dumb and forgot to get more meds. Thank God I have some other sedatives too or I'd have done something really stupid. I'm too rash, I jump to decisions quicker than I think things through. But my mind is still constantly churning up more horrid imagery for me.
All photos from Tumblr.
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