It's been another month gone by
they go so fast but so slow
sleep and eat and drink and sleep and
neverending circles keeping
awake for a month
I don't know if it's the pills I keep taking or what, I suppose it's the pills, but I can't sleep anymore. I fall asleep and then wake up almost immediately and it's making me so frustrated I don't know what to do. I already spent a weekend in the psych ward getting my head together, I don't need another visit. I need to see my shrink and get more pills.
More and more medicine to swallow every night, as if it's not already a handful, a fistful.
Sometimes I don't even know if it's day or night, because at night I can't sleep properly, I fall asleep during the day and wake up thinking it's a new day. Each day just flows into the next and the previous, and I don't know where we're going. Where am I going?
Where's my life heading?
I hope the answer is simple and I get into business studies, but I fear it's more complicated than anyone could think and I manage to mess things up as usual. Such a fucking failure. I wish there was a pill to make me into a good and hardworking daughter. A good and intersting young woman. Someone to look up to rather than down on.
All alone and I still manage to have baby fever. It seems like all my friends are paring up and getting children and getting married, and I'm left out to be a maniac all by myself. But it feels like I'm abandoning them and not the other way around. I'm the one that quit. I'm the one at home and away from my friends. I'm the psycho, not them. They're awesome as ever and I'm a headcase.