Where were you when my walls came falling down?

I remember all the bad things from my life. I remember all the pain and heartbreak I've endured over the years.

 Nothing says I love you more, than sitting beside you and comforting you when you're crying and hyperventilating, and you still know you can't help, but you do it anyway, because that's all you can do, and you know they know you love them because of it.

Always I just pressed my teeth together and went on with my life as if nothing had ever happened. That's always been my excuse. Get tough, smile and go on. Don't show your pain,  your sadness, your tears to anyone.

Because I had pain, I was sad, I cried alone. Sometimes months on end every night alone, promising myself that this was just sadness of some trauma I had endure, because those I have many, and it would go away.

It just accumulated. It went on like nothing ever would change. It's not easy trying to crawl from the rubble when all your walls have fallen and the roof fallen on you, it's not easy getting up and crawling your way out of anxiety and depression when you're the only one that knows anything happened. When you're the only one who noticed anything. When you refused to tell anyone.

I never told anyone how bad everything hurt, from my first boyfriend's suicide to my lymphoma and everything in between. My dad suspected but I didn't listen to him, I should have. I only got a bad temper. I always was a daddy's daughter, still am, temperamental. I get angry before I get sad.

But everyone needs help when they need to crawl out of all the rubble of a house. Where were you when someone's walls came falling down?