OOTD 6.2.2014 Satanic Bartman!

Today's thoughts and workouts

So today I decided to get back on track with my exercising and weight loss, though I haven't really lost the track as more levelled into a track I don't want to be in. However, it's never that simple, because let's face it - the amount of sedatives I'm taking could keep a T-Rex asleep for three days, so how on earth am I going to have the sheer energy to even lift myself off the bed, let alone some weights to add?

I constantly feel tired, I feel like all I could do this moment is just sleep sleep sleep, and that's really all I want to be doing when it's this cold and dreary. I hope very much that it doesn't stay like this for very long, otherwise I'm seriously going to lose it. And I've basically already lost it, kinda why I'm in this mess in the first place.

It's also not the simplest way to try and motivate your weight loss when half the time you keep staring at a bottle of 40 proof and wishing you could just down it in one. Now there's some unnecessary carbs for you, way to go. The cheapo Estonian beer in my room aren't helping either, though it's not really their fault I want to drink them. I can really relate to Bugs's emotions here.

Butttt, here's my goal:

Small Oblivion

  Sinking in to something that's not there, sinking into a world of chaos and torment, without knowledge of what will come or what has passed. It makes one see how precious every moment of happiness, every moment of content really is and how quickly that can change.

  Do not take life for granted for granted it shall not stay, it will break you apart as though you are a puppet and your master is pulling on each string till you are no more than broken pieces on a master's table.

  Into a small oblivion life shall always pass, for that is life in it's essence. Turmoil and agony and nothing better unless for a short period of time, when you are too blind to realise the horrid pain you will soon have to endure if you want to keep yourself sane in this world. This world is here to make you insane.

  I heard a small wisdom the other day - what if all this is made only to be a hell of another world, there are a series of hells and we are in one of them. Which level of hell would this world be? The one for the greedy or malevolent? The one for the heretics? The deepest plunge of hell, the last ring, the last level where the fallen angels try to find their way out again from this chaos that is our world.

  Time has passed, Time is a constant we all must endure for that is how our world has been constructed, but what it we would all just break away from those shackles of time and show the Lord above we are not to be messed with. What if we decide to live our lives in piece without the turmoil, without the agony, without the tyrant forces of hell that shake us to the very core of our existence.

  But wait. We are human.We will all plunge deep into our own abyss.