Trigger Warning: Tattooed Thinspo

Again, you have been warned. Do not look further if this sort of imagery is detrimental to you.

Trigger Warning: Fitspo Ahead

I know some of my readers are battleing with eating disorders, so that's why there's a trigger warning. I hope you don't get offended by this post, or the posts that will come later, but this is something I need to keep myself under control. I have never suffered an eating disorder and these pictures won't make me get one, but they will help me to remember my goal of eating healthy and working out.
For some of you they may be the epitomy of anorexia, but for me they're just a small reminder that I am nowhere near my goal of a healthy and fit weight. I don't plan on getting underweight, I doubt for that would even be possible, but if I only look at happy chubby girls on the internet I don't find the same inspiration as I do seeing someone that has visible abs and a nice bottom.

So sorry for those who can't handle this, but this is my blog and I will run it accordingly. So if you are sensitive to the imagery do not proceed further. You have been warned. Okay? Good.

Today's thoughts on getting back on track with weight loss!

So in the past few months I've let myself go completely and have gained weight rather than lost it (and no, it's not muscle, I assure you). But last night I got a terrible urge to lift weights again, so I started again with my workout routine.
It changes every day and since I have no gym nearby, I do everything at home. You may laugh, since I only have 5 kg dumbbells and a 16 kg kettleball (which is really nothing if you really wanna train) but it's sufficed thus far. Not to mention my muscles are so weak now, I can barely lift the 16 kg one. So I only use it for deadlifting rather than anything else.

I'm back on Fitocracy too again and now I levelled up onto level 20! Which is super duper exciting! Sadly the whole page is a bit glitchy so I can't see anything of my feed or anyone else's, just track my own workouts. Thankfully at least that!
I've also gone online to check for more workouts and routines and exercises so that I have some variety in what I do. Also I seem to be in a relatively good condition regardless of my laziness because all the "beginner" exercise plans are just really lame. It's like 10 crunches and 10 this and that. Jesus, I do like 60 in one go. And yes, I do do them correctly, I just don't feel like I've done anything after just 10.

My only problem with all of this is that I really like lifting weights, but I absolutely hate cardio. I just can't stand cardio exercises, mostly because of the immediate outbreak of sweat that comes with it. I hate sweating and I sweat really really really easily. But hey, I suppose it's the price to pay for a good lean body.

I'm also thinking of making my whole diet different and actually looking up on nutrients and where to get them best. Usually my dad cooks and let's just say his diet isn't the best in the world, so making myself eat clean and fresh is a tad difficult with a baconloving father. He's thin though, great metabolism. But I have managed to switch from eating junk snacks into eating healthier snacks like carrots and bell peppers with some cream cheese, so I don't eat chocolate everytime I crave something to eat.
Because let's face it. I don't eat when I'm hungry. I don't really get hungry however long I stay without eating. So I need to regulate my meal times and it's not easy since I usually forget to eat and then I get cravings for random stuff. I'm kinda like a bulimic who doesn't throw up. And yes there is such a thing.

I'd love to find a good PDF file online that talks about nutrition but it seems I'll have to buy an actual book to find anything out. I hate reading stuff online, so I prefer having them as paper.

Now to talk about my problem areas. Okay, I'm fat, so all of my body is a problem area, but nevermind that now. I'm talking about muscles. My arms are so and so, my stomach muscles are surprisingly good, but my leg muscles are absolutely crap. I can barely do squats and god knows about my lunges. I have to hold onto something while doing them 'cause I shudder so much that I lose my balance! I also have huge amounts of scars and cellulite which would be lovely to get rid of. Thankfully I have none of that hard fat in my stomach so I'm basically a healthy fatty but I'm really wibblywobbly. All my fat is under the skin and it looks dreadful.

Last year I was down to about 60 kg. Now I'm almost back at 80. Which is horrible, absolutely horrible. I need to step up and really take control of my life. I should also go jogging which I hate, I prefer running on a treadmill but the nearest treadmill is five kilometres away.

The Charm of Fitocracy

I've been going happily on this site for a while now, and just can't get enough, and now I'll explain why.

At this minute I'm on level 16, and am 2583 points away from level 17. Like in a game, where you get exp to level up. So I go do a workout (there's a 3 workout max per day, but no limit to how big one workout is) - this time a workout like this:

• Bent Over Barbell Row
  • 10 kg x 20 reps 29
  • 10 kg x 20 reps 29
  • 10 kg x 20 reps 29
• Dumbbell 2-Arm Triceps Extension
  • 5 kg x 20 reps 12
  • 5 kg x 20 reps 12
  • 5 kg x 20 reps 12
• Barbell Bench Press
  • 10 kg x 30 reps 59
  • 10 kg x 30 reps 59
  • 10 kg x 30 reps 59
• Reverse Crunch
  • 30 reps 50
  • 30 reps 50
  • 30 reps 50
• Dumbbell Bicep Curl
  • 5 kg x 10 reps 32
  • 5 kg x 10 reps 32
  • 5 kg x 10 reps 32
• Body Weight Squat
  • 10 reps 8
  • 10 reps 8
  • 25 reps 21 
   

And voilá, I have only 2000 points to go to level 17 and I didn't even break a sweat yet!

I usually try to get about a thousand points  per day, so that I keep up with the routine, rather than just getting to an even number, but now I'm a bit pressed for time, so a whole workout was out of the question. But a short 583 point workout went perfectly well, and I do feel it in my muscles. My arms and legs are slightly shaky...

 

Today's thoughts and being hung over

So I went partying last night. So I had a great time. So I didn't wake up at home. I feel both incredibly happy and like a huge disappointement for my father to have such a drunk disgusting little whore for a daughter.

But this could all be solved with two things a. stop drinking and b. start lying. Then he wouldn't know what a disappointing thing I am and I'd feel happy about remembering my night and the names of the people I met there. Because I met some really really nice people and would like to get together with them on more occasions! I might of course see them at the next event, who knows.

I feel a lot more depressed today than for a while, but I think that's the alcoholic disappointment speaking, rather than the actual depression. Of course it doesn't help that I'm tired, can't sleep and my stomach hurts again like there's a hell in my uterus.

Suppose I'm hung over, but I don't really know what hangovers feel like because I don't usually get them, no matter how much or what I drink. The only thing that ever gave me a headache (and it wasn't a bad one) was sparkly wine, so I'm staying clear of champagnes, but other than that I mix and match and blah and not get any hangover symptoms. Except maybe a slight trembling. But I tremble on a regular basis anyways, so it doesn't really necessarily have to be linked to alcohol.

I'm thinking of cutting my hair a bit and getting a side fringe. I like scene hairstyles a lot but don't know if they'd suit me and don't really know how to cut one myself, but I'm too cheap and too poor to go to a coiffure.

Also been keeping up on my Fitocracy account - I'm almost on level 10 and I'm super excited! I just love that site so much!

All photos from Tumblr.

Fitspo for the New Year

All photos from Tumblr.

Theme Day: Disney Thinspo/Fitspo

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