New Hospital Update

Alright, I think now is the time to really explain all of this.

I went to hospital because the lymphnodes on my neck were so swollen that my entire neck was in pain and swollen, my throat was swollen and incredibly painful, so I couldn't eat, drink or take my meds. Which is why I was admitted.

I was sent to Aurora hospital, which is the place where they have a ward for infectious diseases. They suspected three things; herpes, cytomegalo and EBV (mononucleosis). All tests came back negative. Although the symptoms were those of mono, that came back negative as well. This can mean two things, either the tests really were negative and I had something else or then because of my immunosuppression there were false negatives.

In any case a couse of antivirals, antibiotics and cortison has now gotten rid of my symptoms and I am in that sense healthy again. They might let me leave this week!

However, I have a new problem: my entire right hand and wrist is extremely swollen and painful. I have similar pains in my left leg and hand as well, but those are still functional. I cannot do anything at all with my right hand. And I'm right-handed.
They took an ultrasound to see if there are signs of trombosis (bloof clots), deep bruises or inflammationn, but saw nothing at all to suggest those. So now I'm on nervepainkillers, because they think it might be nerve related, and maybe I will have an ENMG later on (not in the next two weeks). It would show if there are changes or problems in my nerve pathways.

Writing this has been horrible, because I've had to use just one hand and I keep making mistakes with my left hand, so sorry for any typos I've missed. My right hand/arm is entirely immobile now, because it hurts even when I do nothing with it.

I'm also still in queue for the psychiatric department, and I might need to start my anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills again.

Medication:
Lyrica 75 mg x2
Diapam 10 mg x3 (if needed)
Panadol 1 g x3
Zovirax
Some antibiotic that I can't remember the name of
My regular meds
Medrol 8 mg extra
And last night I got some benzo to help me sleep through the pain, which helped and now the nurses are trying to get it to me on a regular basis.

Day One of Making Sh*t Happen

Alright.

Now.

I

have

had

enough.

For the past year I've been doing really really badly, I've been depressed and panicky and anxious and gaining massive amounts of weight, wanting to die and just plain giving up. Not anymore, just no, it's no use anyway. I won't kill myself. So I should really make this life something nice enough to enjoy so I won't feel bad all the time, right?

Finally, now I started school again, I've been going to the gym. Well not for the past week, I had guests and seriously no time, but I did walk a lot. Next week again, I promise. It's a lot of fun, I've always liked going to the gym. Let's face it, it's nice to feel sore muscles. The sweating not so much, but I like being sore.

On Friday I finally started eating healthy, I threw all the crap into a box and I'm not gonna touch it. It's mostly chocolates so they'll keep well anyway, I don't need to worry about stuff getting bad. So now I have plenty of really healthy stuff, and I've been keeping a book again because even though it's all obsessive, it's the only way I can keep myself from overeating. And I mean way overeating, like thousands of calories overeating. Not like 20. I don't care about 20. I care about the tub of ice cream I could eat. So, I keep track of everything I eat, so I know it's been nutrious and healthy, and still filling enough to keep me full without having loads of empty calories. And I feel really motivated, so I know this'll hold. Once I get to this feeling, I know it won't go away for quite some time.
I also bought a beautiful skirt from a friend, and it's like 6 sizes too small so yeah, weight loss needed! (Oh and I am way over weight. Not just a bit, but a serious amount that's really really not healthy).

Also, I've been doing really badly with school lately, it's just been way too much and I've had no energy whatsoever. To be honest, I'm not awake until I've slept 9 hours. Right now, I get to sleep about three to five hours every night. I honestly thank God when I can sleep till 7 am. Not kidding. One hour more and it's like heaven.
But hopefully with eating better and exercising, I might actually get some much needed energy, so I won't get sick all the time. And since I obviously suck in Russian, I really need to do my homework. Otherwise I will not get a good grade and I very much need a good grade from languages, 'cause I'm so scared of all these business classes which are all new information to me. Never had to think about market segmentation before.

Oh and just because I'm all motivated and happy and stuff, does not mean I don't fall into despair every now and again. *cough*everynight*cough*
But. I will Homer worry about that.

Back from a long holiday

So this has taken me forever.
Sorry about that.
Well not really, I am sorry for being MIA but I'm not really sorry for having enjoyed my summer. So in June I was in Canada for two weeks, mostly in Toronto (just a day or so in Montreal, out of a whim really), and I had the most amazing time. Safe to say it was the best holiday I've ever had. However, more about that later on when I finally get my photos posted here too.

The summer's been unbelievably warm. Hot actually, and I think I've melted a few times, it's dreadful. I'm  really not one for warm weather, I can't do anything other than drink bottle after bottle of mineral water and it's driving my dad insane. I think I drink like seven litres a day (and to anyone who thinks it is dangerously too much - I'm still alive so booyah get over it, at least I can drink).
I can't sleep whatsoever, so basically this summer has just made my insomnia much much worse, and I can't really ask for help because my shrink is on holiday. So I have my old pills for it, but seeing as they never helped, well, tough luck I suppose.

Speaking of shrinks.  Since I went on holiday in June, I haven't taken a single anti-depressant, anti-anxiety or anti-anythingpill and I feel fabulous.
I think it's safe to say I'm no longer depressed. I am a tad worried about the start of my new school year, because if I start stressing out again, I might need to start taking pills too, but let's just wait and see, shall we?

And yes, I was accepted to Haaga-Helia to become a multilingual management assistant. So from the end of this month on, I will be studying business and languages. Hopefully by the end of the next four years (that's about as long as the studies will take), I'll be able to speak over ten languages. That's my goal anyway. I'd like to get to twenty before I die.
On the 19th I will have a Swedish test to maybe get exempt from the course, because if I have to take another Swedish course with people who can't even say their own names in Swedish I will kill someone. I use Swedish every single day, seriously need to get a free pass.
Anyway other than that I'll have to start studying Chinese, German and French, and I hope that I can choose Russian at some point.

I've also been writing quite a bit. I had about 65 pages of a book written, and I think now it's more like a hundred pages. I always write by hand on paper, so I actually don't know how many pages it really is since I've yet to copy it on the PC. But we'll see. Hopefully! Maybe one day I'll get the courage to let someone actually read it. Would anyone actually be interested?

Health Update - Lymphoma Free

I got some really good news now from my doctor. They didn't find any trace of lymphoma in me in the biopsies or the MRI, so I'm now definitely in remission rather than still scraping by!
Of course as I haven't had any symptoms since May it wasn't really far fetched to expect good news, but still, they make me really thrilled!

We still have no idea about my dad's results though as goes his neck, but hopefully inside a week that'll be sorted as well...

Early morning health post

Fitspo for the New Year

All photos from Tumblr.

Health and Workouts

Beautiful healthy food

Healthspo - health inspiration

Now this came as a surprise to me, didn't know even that had been spoed, but this is really something I need, since as you can see from my food diaries, I don't really live a healthy life. At the moment, it's less to do with dieting, and more to do with a complete loss of appetite. I think it's my anti-depressants that make me want to not eat anything, though I feel hungry basically constantly.

Anyway, I need to take control of myself and eat better, at least that might help me. I don't want to eat more, because when I do, I start feeling sick and might throw up, and I don't want to lose any more calories, since I'm most of the days not getting nearly enough of them! Some days I just live on three protein bars and a lot of coffee. It's not good or healthy.

But here you go with some healthspo: