Today's thoughts and make up

It was a long day today, and yesterday. My dad underwent his ENMG (a painful thing, I can tell ya) and today I had my lab tests (23 viles of blood, 23!). I had to call the shrink yesterday 'cause I've been forgetting stuff lately and forgot to get more meds, and didn't have any on my prescription, so I had to call and ask them to refill and oh what a mess that was. And twentythree viles of blood really took it out of me, I slept like a baby for two hours afterwards.
Then again, I woke up at four am again unable to fall asleep again. So no wonder I was tired.

Don't let my smiling face fool you in this post. I have learned a long time ago how to smile away pain.

I've been feeling worse again. Not really suicidal, not really panicking, but something inbetween, I feel a heavy load on my chest and I don't know why. I have nothing to stress me, at least nothing that I notice, but I notice being stressed, I feel anxious all the time, except a few hours after taking my meds. My meds help, I just wish I didn't have to take them to be normal. I used to be so normal, so happy. I'm still happy at times, and today I got a lot done too, I cleaned my room and organised my t-shirts and everything, and still I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up in half a year. A real winter's rest. Hibernation. Something like that.

I think my sedatives are making me cold too, I feel it more easily after taking them, and now it's really cold outside. And inside, we don't really heat anything even in the winter and I'm freezing. I feel so so cold.

I've been neglecting my diet too, keep eating like a pig and moving too little, I keep gaining weight rather than losing it. Thankfully in a few days I should get a package from CDON that might help me get to my goals. Finally.

I have been able to stick to my 30 day no sugar challenge though with a few minor misses, I drank a few hot chocolates, but other than that, I haven't strayed and I feel a bit better because of it. It feels nice being able to stop myself from eating a whole bar of chocolate, not because I'm hungry but because I just really need to.

Did some DIYs again, with my t-shirts, should take photos of them all, and the things I've bought but haven't showed anyone yet. I have some really nice things I haven't even worn yet. I wish summer was here so I could wear all of them! And show them, instead I'm sitting here with two cardigans and a woolly pullover freezing my ass off. Oh well.

My make up today decided to go to something  I rarely do - a smokey eye make up. I have really heavy lidded eyes and so I tend to steer away from really dark make up, but today I felt like experimenting. Eyeshadows are Geek Chic Cosmetics You Know Who and Madness.