The Day After Pain

Yesterday evening was dreadful and I cried out of pain for hours on end, but today has been so much better. So so much better.
I had an examination that required quite a bit of preparation, but it went well and took longer than expected, which of course was annoying. My nurses for the day were absolutely lovely, I have no bad word against them - especially my evening nurse is such a bubbly happy personality that I immediately become happy as well.

Tomorrow some of my relatives are coming to visit me, which is amazing, since I see them way too seldom and I love them to pieces (escpecially their little boy whose the smartest kid I've ever met and sure I'm biased but it's still true). Today my godmother came and I missed her so much already and it hadn't even been that long since we last saw each other. I love my family.

Hopefully one day this week my school project team is going to come here and film my part of our video presentation (me acting all drugged up and sick and mumbling words referring to finances, I love being the comic relief).

Next week is going to be hectic. On Monday if all goes well, I'll have a little photoshoot here in the hospital with Mr. Miettinen, who has photographed me before many times and is eager to test these kinds of surroundings. And on Wednesday I'll have my ENMG which is to check if my nerve pathways are healthy or not and if my pain is nerve related or not. Also in the evening an old friend of mine from school might come and help me with some energy healing (she's taken courses and everything), and though I'm sceptic towards things like that, I've been in the hospital now for over a month and I need to keep my mind open and let people help me. At least they can't do any harm, so what would be the point in not trying, right?

Also, eating veggie meals in the hospital is the best thing ever, the meals are just so much better without that crappy meat! I'm loving this lacto-ovo-vegetarianism.

Inspiration for my new diet

When I get out of the hospital that is. And it won't be a diet in the sense that I'll stop it at some point, it will last as long as I am too poor to afford ethical meat. (In my mind ethical, doesn't need to conform to your views of ethics). Except for that one Christmas duck. That is a tradition I won't give up. Otherwise me and my dad will have no traditions at all. Just the Christmas datura plants, which is already sad enough, since they don't look their best during the holiday season.

Inspiration: Alexander McQueen

I've always been inspired by two designers in particular - Alexander McQueen and Vivienne Westwood. Sure they both go way over the top as they are high fashion designers, but I like taking inspiration from their looks. Here's a few from McQueen, I thought were inspiration-worthy:

A New Hospital Update

I thought I shoud probably write something about the last few weeks here, since I haven't really talked about anything in a while.
So my doctors still aren't sure whether the stuff the in my lungs is pneumonia or lung embolisms. Seeing as I have trombi (blood clots) in both my legs and two around my liver, it is possible I have something in my lungs as well.
I get treatment for that, heparin shots twice a day.

They've give up on antibiotics for a while, but my CRP is rising again, so at some point they may have to consider beginning some antibiotics again.

I had a BIC catheter in my right arm for a few days, but it caused a massive deep bruise (my entire right arm is purple-black) and it stopped working, so now I have a new CV on my neck. It's much more comfortable.

My whole body is covered in small bruises and small red dots, where blood has come out of a small vein. My left leg and my right arm aren't as swollen anymore as they were, but everything still hurts so much that I can't even describe it.
And I don't think I'm being treated with the right pain medication, But the pain doctor didn't come this week, so I have to wait till tomorrow or the day after or who knows how long till I see him and maybe get some changes to my pain medication.

Especially my right leg is now extremely painful, muscles hurt and feel like they've been in spazms and my ankles are really sensitive to touch.

My potassium levels were very low a few days ago, and before I came here to the Triangle hospital from Aurora, my hemoglobin was just 67 so I got five bags of blood! Five! Now my Hb levels are good enough so I don't need anything extra.

That's about it. I don't know more and neither do the doctors it seems.

30 Day Challenge - Future, first love and music!

So today I'm writing 3 days worth of answers, since I just feel like doing that, and I don't have much to say about any of the three questions.

Day 9 - How you hope your future will be like
I think I already kind of answered this question earlier, right? But hey, I want it to be to happy, filled with family and friends and I hope I'll be healthy Of course I also hope I'll own a nice house with loads of land surrounding it and have enough money to support all of that plus have extra to buy nice stuff.

Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss
Well, I was 15 years old and so was he, it was really intense, we talked to each other non-stop all day long. We texted during school and then chatted online when we were home and then called each other every night: we were both under blankets so no one would hear we were talking to each other..And a 300 euro phone bill kinda proves how intense it was....I really loved him and I miss him every single day. I wish things hadn't ended the way they did, but at the same time I know it was his only way out.
My first kiss, however, was nothing special, I can't even remember who it was since it was in kindergarten.

Day 11 - Put your iPod on shuffle and write ten songs that pop up
My iPod has been offline for so long that the battery is dead, so I can't really do that, but I'll write just FIVE  random songs here:
Rammstein - Los
Abney Park - Katyusha
Mozart - Eine kleine Nachtmusik
X Japan - Kurenai
Bring Me the Horizon - deathbeds