New Hospital Update

Alright, I think now is the time to really explain all of this.

I went to hospital because the lymphnodes on my neck were so swollen that my entire neck was in pain and swollen, my throat was swollen and incredibly painful, so I couldn't eat, drink or take my meds. Which is why I was admitted.

I was sent to Aurora hospital, which is the place where they have a ward for infectious diseases. They suspected three things; herpes, cytomegalo and EBV (mononucleosis). All tests came back negative. Although the symptoms were those of mono, that came back negative as well. This can mean two things, either the tests really were negative and I had something else or then because of my immunosuppression there were false negatives.

In any case a couse of antivirals, antibiotics and cortison has now gotten rid of my symptoms and I am in that sense healthy again. They might let me leave this week!

However, I have a new problem: my entire right hand and wrist is extremely swollen and painful. I have similar pains in my left leg and hand as well, but those are still functional. I cannot do anything at all with my right hand. And I'm right-handed.
They took an ultrasound to see if there are signs of trombosis (bloof clots), deep bruises or inflammationn, but saw nothing at all to suggest those. So now I'm on nervepainkillers, because they think it might be nerve related, and maybe I will have an ENMG later on (not in the next two weeks). It would show if there are changes or problems in my nerve pathways.

Writing this has been horrible, because I've had to use just one hand and I keep making mistakes with my left hand, so sorry for any typos I've missed. My right hand/arm is entirely immobile now, because it hurts even when I do nothing with it.

I'm also still in queue for the psychiatric department, and I might need to start my anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills again.

Medication:
Lyrica 75 mg x2
Diapam 10 mg x3 (if needed)
Panadol 1 g x3
Zovirax
Some antibiotic that I can't remember the name of
My regular meds
Medrol 8 mg extra
And last night I got some benzo to help me sleep through the pain, which helped and now the nurses are trying to get it to me on a regular basis.

Panic attacks and doctors

I've been having panic attacks now again almost daily. My dad didn't know, I only just told him when I told him who I was calling to for so long. I called the hospital. Or two to be precise, to maybe get some help to stop these things from occuring, but it seems it's impossible to
a. get a doctor on the phone
b. because they're on holiday
c. get medicine because
d. the doctor isn't around or
e. doesn't want to give medicine without seeing  you.

Now we get back to my hospital fear. I don't want to go to a hospital if I can just for the life of me avoid it. So, as a rule, I then just refuse to come, keep getting panic attacks and nobody wins, except maybe the doctor on holiday.

I did get to to talk to two very nice nurses, one of whom I knew already from my stay at Meilahti, but it doesn't really help me stop having panic attacks, or stop one while I'm having one, that I get to talk to a nurse for half an hour of my day. I won't get a panic attack by order. I don't get them by order, I just suddenly out of nowhere get really really anxious and have a panic attack! And to get it off I need at least 15 mg of Diapam. And even then I'm just relaxed enough not to panic, not actually relaxed as in falling off my feet as a lot of people would with that dose.

My psychiatrist's appointment is on the 8th of January, I have to wait till then to get help or otherwise go to my local health centre to try and get my diapam prescription renewed. Or to Porvoo mental hospital to do the same thing. I'm pretty sure I won't last till January.