Tiny pieces of each of us are always breaking down,
after every hardship in our lives.
Small pieces of our soul snatched away from us,
taken forever and put into the dust bin.
Garbage is what we have become,
but does there hope remain,
for the recycled human,
for that of all those tiny little pieces created,
of hearts and souls and brains,
that have been broken by pain.
Tiny fragments of imagination and culture,
obducted from our bodies like a vulture snatching at it's prey.
Puny lumps just caught away like nothing,
like they were nothing to anyone,
straight into the dust bin.
Garbage is what we have become,
but does there hope remain,
for the recycled human,
for that, of all those tiny little pieces created,
of imagination and culture and souls,
that have been broken by force.
Insignificant remnants of our past lives,
of our sights and smells,
skinned from our bare bodies.
Minute slivers scratched from our backs,
and thrown in to the dust bin.
Garbage is what we have become,
but does there hope remain,
for the recycled human,
for that, of all those tiny little pieces created,
of skin and backs and souls,
that have been taken and left in anguish.
Named by Chris who will always be remembered as the DIY guy.
28.2.14
Every Single Day
Everyday we find our ways through our lives
everyday,
trudging and treading through the muck
of the world to find our ways
through our lives.
Everyday we try to find a way to survive,
to keep our sanities in this world of
absolute garbage and agony,
but failing unless we are granted
by the swift and early death.
Everday we try to deal with the pain and the hate
this world has to offer,
for more than that it has not to offer,
all our lives in the hands of the devil,
for that is all there is - sin without remorse.
everyday,
trudging and treading through the muck
of the world to find our ways
through our lives.
Everyday we try to find a way to survive,
to keep our sanities in this world of
absolute garbage and agony,
but failing unless we are granted
by the swift and early death.
Everday we try to deal with the pain and the hate
this world has to offer,
for more than that it has not to offer,
all our lives in the hands of the devil,
for that is all there is - sin without remorse.
I've Seen it All Before
I've seen it all before,
the terror in their eyes,
the terror in the skies,
coming down like a hurricane,
breathing flame and fear,
over all the sinners of no sins.
I've seen it all before,
heard all of it before,
heard the tales and the rhymes,
of all the evil in the world,
and all of it just lies,
spoken to inset fear
into all our hearts,
so we would go and
breath flame and fear,
over all the sinners of no sins.
All the sinners of no sins.
the terror in their eyes,
the terror in the skies,
coming down like a hurricane,
breathing flame and fear,
over all the sinners of no sins.
I've seen it all before,
heard all of it before,
heard the tales and the rhymes,
of all the evil in the world,
and all of it just lies,
spoken to inset fear
into all our hearts,
so we would go and
breath flame and fear,
over all the sinners of no sins.
All the sinners of no sins.
DIY Rorschach T-Shirt
Okay this is just my attempt, and it's not finished yet so be kind.
What you need is:
- a t-shirt or a top
- some cardboard that you can fold
- black paint or any colour paint you'd like your inkblot to be in
Take your cardboard and put it inside the shirt, put paint on the shirt and fold cardboard - tadaa you've got an inkblot. Kinda like when you were a kid and you played around with paint on paper folding it with new colours. Basically the same idea here, just more mental and old.
Idea for this I got from this DIY video on Youtube:
What you need is:
- a t-shirt or a top
- some cardboard that you can fold
- black paint or any colour paint you'd like your inkblot to be in
Take your cardboard and put it inside the shirt, put paint on the shirt and fold cardboard - tadaa you've got an inkblot. Kinda like when you were a kid and you played around with paint on paper folding it with new colours. Basically the same idea here, just more mental and old.
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| Added a little water to make it more inky, it's darker now than when it'll be dry |
Idea for this I got from this DIY video on Youtube:
There's a Limit
There's a limitation to what a human mind can handle. There's only so much one can take, one can process and see and hear.
There's only so much a human mind can handle.
I wish it was more, not for your benefit but for mine, I wish my mind was able to handle more.
There's a limitation to all that we can take in. To all that we can take in and learn and see and hear.
There's only so much we can take in.
I wish it was more, not for your sake but for mine, to all that I have gone through I wish I was able to see more.
There's a limitation to what you can do to a person. There's only so much a person can take, oppressed through indoctrination and pain.
There's only so much a person can take.
I wish it was less, not for my benefit, but yours since the oppression will only last forever if it isn't stopped.
There's only so much a human mind can handle.
I wish it was more, not for your benefit but for mine, I wish my mind was able to handle more.
There's a limitation to all that we can take in. To all that we can take in and learn and see and hear.
There's only so much we can take in.
I wish it was more, not for your sake but for mine, to all that I have gone through I wish I was able to see more.
There's a limitation to what you can do to a person. There's only so much a person can take, oppressed through indoctrination and pain.
There's only so much a person can take.
I wish it was less, not for my benefit, but yours since the oppression will only last forever if it isn't stopped.
Today's thoughts and some music
So we went shopping again, I bought three spray paints for 10 euro, so I'm happy about that. I'm really tired too, again, big surprise, so I think I'll try and rest at some point. Have been feeling really weird lately, again sort of depressed but I don't feel like I have a reason anymore. I should be feeling happy, I should be happy, since there's only happiness in my life right now.
I should write more essays again too, I have one essay planned and I still haven't written it. I really should write it, because it'd be really mean to my wonderful teacher if I ask him to take my essay and then I don't deliver. I so hate missing deadlines.
I've been feeling artsy too, I feel like I should be diying all the time and I have nothing to diy. I wish I had something to paint, thankfully I have some canvas, so I'll just go fetch that and start painting. Watching Stargate and painting, what a dream. Wonderful.
Here's something that's been keeping me up for the last day:
Asking Alexandria - The Death of Me
Am I insane?
I ask myself over and over and over again
Trapped in my brain
Pull it out from the cracks in my skull
Am I alone?
Surrounded by shadows
I think I might just be suffocating
The devil came to take me to hell
But I'm already there.
Am I insane?
Am I insane?
Am I insane?
The devil came to take me to hell
But I'm already there.
[Chorus]
I won't let you be the death of me
No I refuse to let you bring me down
Bring me down
I won't let you make me out to be
The one who's in the wrong
And I've lost my mind before
But now I'm back
And I'm better than ever.
Am I insane?
I've rolled myself over
And screamed till I spit up blood
Trapped in my brain
The itching is incomprehensible and it won't stop
Am I alone?
The voices who lie but they just won't fucking go away
The devil came to take me to hell
But I'm already there.
Am I insane?
Am I insane?
Am I insane?
Am I alone surrounded by death?
I think this might just be the end
Am I insane?
Am I insane?
Am I insane?
The devil came to take me to hell
But I'm already there.
You can't take this away from me
You can't relieve these demons
You can't make this OK for me
You're the one who caused these feelings
I apologize for what I'm about to do
I try to sympathize
But at the end of the day
You brought this on yourself
[Chorus]
I won't let you be the death of me
No I refuse to let you bring me down
Bring me down
I won't let you make me out to be
The one who's in the wrong
And I've lost my mind before
But now I'm back
And I'm better than ever
Now I'm back
And I'm better than ever
The tears
Have left a blur
That I can't explain
The pain
Has left a hole
In which my heart should've been
I'm blind with rage
And I can't shake this feeling
Irrational
Impetuous
Intemperate
I'm blind with rage
And I can't shake this feeling
Irrational
Impetuous
Intemperate
I won't let you be the death of me
I refuse to let you bring me down
Bring me down
I won't let you make me out to be
The one who's in the wrong
And I lost my mind before
But I'm back and I'm better than ever
I ask myself over and over and over again
Trapped in my brain
Pull it out from the cracks in my skull
Am I alone?
Surrounded by shadows
I think I might just be suffocating
The devil came to take me to hell
But I'm already there.
Am I insane?
Am I insane?
Am I insane?
The devil came to take me to hell
But I'm already there.
[Chorus]
I won't let you be the death of me
No I refuse to let you bring me down
Bring me down
I won't let you make me out to be
The one who's in the wrong
And I've lost my mind before
But now I'm back
And I'm better than ever.
Am I insane?
I've rolled myself over
And screamed till I spit up blood
Trapped in my brain
The itching is incomprehensible and it won't stop
Am I alone?
The voices who lie but they just won't fucking go away
The devil came to take me to hell
But I'm already there.
Am I insane?
Am I insane?
Am I insane?
Am I alone surrounded by death?
I think this might just be the end
Am I insane?
Am I insane?
Am I insane?
The devil came to take me to hell
But I'm already there.
You can't take this away from me
You can't relieve these demons
You can't make this OK for me
You're the one who caused these feelings
I apologize for what I'm about to do
I try to sympathize
But at the end of the day
You brought this on yourself
[Chorus]
I won't let you be the death of me
No I refuse to let you bring me down
Bring me down
I won't let you make me out to be
The one who's in the wrong
And I've lost my mind before
But now I'm back
And I'm better than ever
Now I'm back
And I'm better than ever
The tears
Have left a blur
That I can't explain
The pain
Has left a hole
In which my heart should've been
I'm blind with rage
And I can't shake this feeling
Irrational
Impetuous
Intemperate
I'm blind with rage
And I can't shake this feeling
Irrational
Impetuous
Intemperate
I won't let you be the death of me
I refuse to let you bring me down
Bring me down
I won't let you make me out to be
The one who's in the wrong
And I lost my mind before
But I'm back and I'm better than ever
Make Up Project: Make Up of the Day 28.2.2014
Products used:
Maybelline Dream Mousse eyeshadow - brown
Lumene lipstick - 62 smiling lips
Maybelline Dream Mousse eyeshadow - brown
Lumene lipstick - 62 smiling lips
Indoctrination or Persuasion?
If you ask a man to believe what you do,
are you trying to brainwash them,
or give them fresh eyes to an old matter?
Are you trying to give them a new doctrine
without their wishes,
or are you just opening their mind to something new?
If you ask a man to do what they are told
are you trying to brainwash them,
or give them the means to fight the good fight?
Are you trying to give them a new doctrine,
or help them make a tough decision?
If you force a man to do your bidding
are you trying to brainwash them,
or help them live their life to the fullest?
Are you trying to give them a new doctrine,
or help them survive this existence?
If you force a man to do anything,
you are never helping.
If you force a man to do anything,
you are nothing but brainwashing them.
You are nothing but indoctrinating them
to your liking, but never helping them survive
anything, only force them into pain and suffering
through your suggestions and training.
are you trying to brainwash them,
or give them fresh eyes to an old matter?
Are you trying to give them a new doctrine
without their wishes,
or are you just opening their mind to something new?
If you ask a man to do what they are told
are you trying to brainwash them,
or give them the means to fight the good fight?
Are you trying to give them a new doctrine,
or help them make a tough decision?
If you force a man to do your bidding
are you trying to brainwash them,
or help them live their life to the fullest?
Are you trying to give them a new doctrine,
or help them survive this existence?
If you force a man to do anything,
you are never helping.
If you force a man to do anything,
you are nothing but brainwashing them.
You are nothing but indoctrinating them
to your liking, but never helping them survive
anything, only force them into pain and suffering
through your suggestions and training.
Whimsical Attention to Eccentric Schemes
Whimsical ideas
of politics and media
Whimsical thoughts
on culture and education
Whimsical reflections
on civilisation and science
Droll speculations
about the meaning of life
and the universe
and all
Droll attention
towards the dumbest parts
of life
the universe
and all
Droll feelings
for love
and happiness
and all
Eccentric schemes
to rule the world
to engage the viewer
to make the masses
believe your message
Eccentric schemes
to see your life
to see your deepest thoughts
to see your filthiest lies
Eccentric schemes
to find your lies
to find your thoughts
to find your schemes
of politics and media
Whimsical thoughts
on culture and education
Whimsical reflections
on civilisation and science
Droll speculations
about the meaning of life
and the universe
and all
Droll attention
towards the dumbest parts
of life
the universe
and all
Droll feelings
for love
and happiness
and all
Eccentric schemes
to rule the world
to engage the viewer
to make the masses
believe your message
Eccentric schemes
to see your life
to see your deepest thoughts
to see your filthiest lies
Eccentric schemes
to find your lies
to find your thoughts
to find your schemes
The Hive Mind
There's nothing much to be said
when it comes to a single mind
There's nothing much to be said
when it comes to group mind
There's nothing much to be said
when it comes to a hive mind
When all that is thought
it nothing important
When all that is thought
is small selfish acts
of oppression and lust
When all that is thought
is nothing but junk
Junk and garbage and rubbish
and nothing of value
pompously spread through
the masses of to make them
go to the brink
of extinction
when it comes
to independent thought
and independent minds
There's nothing to be said
when it comes to a group mind
And there will be nothing to be said
when it comes to the time of the hive mind.
when it comes to a single mind
There's nothing much to be said
when it comes to group mind
There's nothing much to be said
when it comes to a hive mind
When all that is thought
it nothing important
When all that is thought
is small selfish acts
of oppression and lust
When all that is thought
is nothing but junk
Junk and garbage and rubbish
and nothing of value
pompously spread through
the masses of to make them
go to the brink
of extinction
when it comes
to independent thought
and independent minds
There's nothing to be said
when it comes to a group mind
And there will be nothing to be said
when it comes to the time of the hive mind.
Glamour Doll Eyes review
I am just super excited about these colours - I don't need to write a review: I think they're fabulous in every way imaginable and close to being as perfect as Geek Chic Cosmetics.
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| Top to bottom: Juicy Mango, aqua Foil, Unicorn, Bittersweet, Celestial Crow, Candy Floss cream base, Lustrous |
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| Top to bottom: Angel wings, s&m, Heedless heart, super nova, fire breather, hitch hiker, frankenglamour |
27.2.14
Manly Eyeshadow Review part 3/4
I was impressed enough by the two top lines, since the colours are relatively easy to separate from each other and they go on really well. They also keep very well and stick to the skin which would suggest that they don't fade to easily.
The bottom green line however was a disappointment in sorts, the first colours are clearly not visible, which is a shame because they are beautiful yellowy green on the palette and would be great in use - if they'd show properly.
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Make Up Project: Make Up of the Day 27.2.2014
Make up used:
Yves Rocher Luminelle plum coloured kohl
Laval lipstick shade 06 Sugar Plum
February Mini Haul
 |
| Bought some new stay ups, this time all in white! And new thigh highs that you see underneath |
 |
| Small goodie bag from Glamour Doll Cosmetics, review coming up! |
26.2.14
Today's thoughts on past photoshoot and unnecessary insecurities
So there was no reason for me to be so nervous about the photoshoot, it went as perfectly as I ever could've hoped for and the photographer was lovely. Such a sweet person. And even though I felt like I nearly froze to death (my idea to waltz around in skimpy dresses mid-winter) it seemed like an absolutely wonderful photoshoot and there were some beautiful pictures taken.
Not only nice but he had a real 50s plate camera so I really got myself filmed!
I don't know why I feel so insecure all the time, I have no reason to really. I should just be happy of the person I am, and just go with the flow. It's worked for me thus far, why wouldn't it work from now on out? It's so stupid how the human mind creates these horror scenarios without actual cause for any of them. It's ridiculous like I said before.
Now I'm just sitting here, trying my hardest to get warm again and then I'm going to spend the rest of the day making more cabochons and maybe playing some Sims. Just a lovely relaxing day of rest. I love these kinds of days when I really don't have to do anything, I can just be and enjoy myself and life in general. Contemplate on the finer things in life!
Not only nice but he had a real 50s plate camera so I really got myself filmed!
I don't know why I feel so insecure all the time, I have no reason to really. I should just be happy of the person I am, and just go with the flow. It's worked for me thus far, why wouldn't it work from now on out? It's so stupid how the human mind creates these horror scenarios without actual cause for any of them. It's ridiculous like I said before.
Now I'm just sitting here, trying my hardest to get warm again and then I'm going to spend the rest of the day making more cabochons and maybe playing some Sims. Just a lovely relaxing day of rest. I love these kinds of days when I really don't have to do anything, I can just be and enjoy myself and life in general. Contemplate on the finer things in life!
Today's thoughts on short hair and photoshoots
I just haven't gotten used to having short hair yet, I keep getting a cold neck and wanting to open my bun and realising I don't have my hair in a bun, I've cut them. I think they look good on most days, maybe make me look a bit more boyish than I like, but nevertheless on a grand scale I quite like them. Just a matter of getting used to not having longer hair. Kind of like when you don't have a wristwatch and you keep checking the time off of an empty wrist. It's so frustrating, but it's not somehow terrible, it's just a matter of getting used to it.
I might have a photoshoot today, might. A photographer should come round and look at our sheds and woods and see if he'd like to have a photoshoot there, but I don't know if he's only coming to check things out, or if he's prepared to have the photoshoot right then and there. I'm a bit nervous.
Especially since my dad doesn't like the idea one single bit, he's absolutely refused the house and garden to be in photos, so it'll only be sheds and woods for us, which is perfectly fine for me, as I was thinking of those anyways, but I wish he was in a better mood of the whole thing. I think he needs to eat first too...
Anyway the photographer is coming at noon, so we still have plenty of time to get used to the idea. I hope it all goes well.
I'm a lot nervous actually. I'm kinda afraid he'll want to photograph some of the house and I'll have to deny him from that and I'll get a bad reputation as a model, which is ridiculous loss of self-confidence at this point, but hey, that's me. I have no self-confidence no matter what I sound like or seem like here or in real life. I always have this voice of absolute and incessent insecurity rambling idiotic thoughts in my head.
I've packed a bunch of clothes and make up ready in a bag in a room where my dad doesn't have to meet the guy and Billie can't get in there, so it'll be easier to work around the whole "seeing the house" bit. God I'm so nervous.
My sleep has been a bit of an issue here as well. I'm still not sleeping very well and I take a lot of medicine to try and make me sleep. It's ridiculous. I've already years ago tried everything medical and non-medical and now they're just redoing all the medical stuff, just with bigger doses. I take like five different meds to help me sleep and that's not counting diazepam which I need when I get really anxious. And I do still get anxiety breakdowns, it's even more ridiculous. Nothing in my life is worth getting anxious about and still I can't shake the feeling of insecurity and fear, plain fear running through my body. And then I start hyperventilating. Thankfully I haven't had a full blown panic attack in quite some time now, I'm really happy about that.
All photos are from Tumblr.
And here's a small vlog in Finnish:
I might have a photoshoot today, might. A photographer should come round and look at our sheds and woods and see if he'd like to have a photoshoot there, but I don't know if he's only coming to check things out, or if he's prepared to have the photoshoot right then and there. I'm a bit nervous.
Especially since my dad doesn't like the idea one single bit, he's absolutely refused the house and garden to be in photos, so it'll only be sheds and woods for us, which is perfectly fine for me, as I was thinking of those anyways, but I wish he was in a better mood of the whole thing. I think he needs to eat first too...
Anyway the photographer is coming at noon, so we still have plenty of time to get used to the idea. I hope it all goes well.
I'm a lot nervous actually. I'm kinda afraid he'll want to photograph some of the house and I'll have to deny him from that and I'll get a bad reputation as a model, which is ridiculous loss of self-confidence at this point, but hey, that's me. I have no self-confidence no matter what I sound like or seem like here or in real life. I always have this voice of absolute and incessent insecurity rambling idiotic thoughts in my head.
I've packed a bunch of clothes and make up ready in a bag in a room where my dad doesn't have to meet the guy and Billie can't get in there, so it'll be easier to work around the whole "seeing the house" bit. God I'm so nervous.
My sleep has been a bit of an issue here as well. I'm still not sleeping very well and I take a lot of medicine to try and make me sleep. It's ridiculous. I've already years ago tried everything medical and non-medical and now they're just redoing all the medical stuff, just with bigger doses. I take like five different meds to help me sleep and that's not counting diazepam which I need when I get really anxious. And I do still get anxiety breakdowns, it's even more ridiculous. Nothing in my life is worth getting anxious about and still I can't shake the feeling of insecurity and fear, plain fear running through my body. And then I start hyperventilating. Thankfully I haven't had a full blown panic attack in quite some time now, I'm really happy about that.
All photos are from Tumblr.
And here's a small vlog in Finnish:
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